ARE YOU YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BEST FRIEND?

Before we begin with this topic, there is something we must get out of the way. It is the reality that whether you agree to come to terms with it or not, your best friend could have another as a best friend and could also be the best friend to many others. That being said, where does that leave you?

The word "friend" has lost its special meaning in recent times as it has taken on new meanings over time especially in today's world. With the advent of social media networks like facebook amongst others, the word has acquired new and ordinary meanings which pales in significance to its original meaning.

A new definition is stated thus as:

"A person associated with someone as a contact on a social networking site. "We've never met but we are facebook friends."

I had to laugh when I saw this!

Another definition of friendship is a person who gives assistance; a patron; a supporter; a person who is not hostile; members of the same nation, party, religious group. etc 

Moving on to coinages popular among the younger generation, we now have phrases like friends with benefits, friend zone, fair-weather friends, bestie, etc. It is sad to note that the effects of these new coinages is a complete deviation from the original notion of friendship.

Having gone through a myriad of definitions, the most complete definition that encapsulates the concept of friendship is;

A person whom one knows or whom one is attached to with whom one has or shares a bond of mutual affection or esteem, typically exclusive of family or sexual relations.

The basic elements of friendship are listed thus;

- a friend is someone you know personally.
- a friend is someone you respect and appreciate greatly.
- a friend is someone you support and assist unflinchingly when necessary.
- such friend is no blood relation or sexual partner of yours.

And, the most important of all;

- a friend is someone who feels the exact same way about you as listed above. In other words, the feeling is mutual.

When I think of the above listed characteristics, my model is David and Jonathan. For the benefit of our non-Bible reading readers, David was the son of Jesse, a farm boy who was anointed King of Israel during the subsistence of the reign of King Saul of Israel; Jonathan was the first born son of King Saul, a prince and heir apparent to the throne of Israel, had David not been chosen by God.

The Bible records in 1 Samuel 18:1 that,

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

From that moment, their friendship began. Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as he loved his own soul. This is my understanding of true friendship or in popular parlance, a best friend.

Today however, things are quite different. That exclusivity in friendship between two people as evidenced during the David-Jonathan era by their covenant (which i must add is not necessary) is mostly gone. A person you consider your best friend may not consider you so. This in itself is no fault of theirs; its just the way it is. Technology has made it possible for businesses to be transacted over the wire; inter-racial and inter-continental dating and friendship have been made possible over the internet.

The implication of this in my estimation is quantity over quality. It is a basic principle of life; the more you have, the less you appreciate or in economic terms, the law of diminishing returns. This is not to say that it is impossible to have many friends and still not have one prized above all others. Of course not!

The problem is where the feeling is not reciprocal. He is your best friend, are you his best friend? What happens when you're not your best friend's best friend? The level of commitment is unequal and this only becomes apparent in times of dire straits. In that moment of truth do we truly realise where we rank in our best friend's priority list.

There's a saying that expecting a lion not to eat you because you do not eat lions is a very faulty assumption. The same can be said when dealing with humans, especially those we consider friends. There's no guarantee in life that you'll be treated the way you treat people - remember Judas Iscariot.

For the man or woman who has a best friend who considers you in equal vein as a best friend, consider yourself lucky and treasure such best friend because they are rare. For the less fortunate, don't feel too bad. Life goes on; just don't let it hamper your capacity to appreciate, love or trust. That you have more friends does not necessarily depreciate the quality of friends you have. The only thing left is to pay more attention to those who you really matter to rather than waste time on people who do not appreciate you as they should.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credit: Google