SOME HAPPINESS...

By Isaac Ihekwoaba.

I sat down in my den, to reflect on life; on the crosses we must bear; on the burdens we carry to our Golgothas. I thought of life pursuits - the desire for glory, and fame, and treasure, and love.

I thought of rich men endowed with all but satisfaction; of kings and nobles with immense powers but lacking in health. I thought of young men and women with no vision of tomorrow; of dreams dashed and hopes crashed.

I thought of the lucky few- those who get to make something out of their lives. I saw the struggling masses, to eke a life out of scorched earth they seek. Everyday a struggle, every hour a challenge I saw hopelessness and anguish and extreme poverty; of denudating and debilitating impoverishment the sight of which is injurious to the soul. I saw despair and resignation to the forces of life as they pummeled dreams into submission, and men became defined and imprisoned by their environment. I saw those who refused to go on, just because the sap is gone, the gut is sapped. (Sometimes the effort needed to start to succeed is so much that we are discouraged. To give up before the start of the journey is disembark before we embark). Life does have something in common with death after all: Life can be cruel. Life kills wills.

As I reflected, this phrase came to me- "some happiness...." I realized that what i desire, what I want is, Some happiness....

It is a momentary interlude from the grind of life. It is a man at the end of a long night who finally sees the sunrise. It is a traveler across sands and dunes who arrives at a coast. Some happiness...... that's what we all desire.

She my friend a fellow traveler told me of her mother who used to use the same phrase. She would say, all I want is Some happiness....This after many failed suicide attempts. For life is one long struggle for many. For yet others, it is one long struggle too much.

Life is a soul journey as we seek what we know not. We pursue fame, and gold, and power, and glory, and wealth, and life. Yet in truth all we seek is Some happiness..... We seek a respite, some love, some reciprocity of affection. We seek those who would truly appreciate us and then those who understand our being, our wants and desires. Unfortunately, our desperation often corrupts these noble passions into lusts.

And when we can’t have what we want, we seek the available that want us. The wife you want, that love you seek, that longing you have, that understanding you crave, that cuddle you desire; the holding of hands, of head on his shoulder in submitted affection in the dark of the movie theater; the stoking of the strands of hair that are not out of place as you caress the flesh of who you hope will be, all these, and many more, is called Some happiness.....

And when we find the fleeting shadows of Some happiness.... how we cling in desperation. We temporarily lose our senses and let down our guards. But soon we begin to see different, and logic and rationalization creep in. We begin to doubt whether the broad shoulders on which the head was placed in the dark of the night, in the black of the movie theater, at the row at the back is Mr. Some happiness..... We question whether it was just a mirage we experienced as our souls traveled the desert desperately in search of an oasis. How many times have we prayed, hoping against hope that that one week old lover is Some happiness.....? How some men desperately wish for the wife to be Mrs. Some happiness.....

In the pursuit of Some happiness...... some have become dangerous and deadly, climbing the corporate ladder with spiked shoes. Some have sold their souls. Some are lizards hugging the ground with their bellies full of pain. We've become who we're not and became who we are.

We keep on seeking, searching, knocking. From one alley to another, we tumble and stumble, and dash our foot against stones. We besot our hearts to the undeserving, we date the unavailable and then the too available we’ve made friends with the imperfect, we've broken hearts and committed mistakes all in search of Some happiness....

I am not sure, if Some happiness....... is sustainable. The very fact that it's called Some happiness....connotes it's transience both in time and form. We can’t hold on to it and it doesn’t last long. Such is the nature of Some happiness.... But we keep on searching anyway, you and I, after all, all we seek is Some happiness....!

The writer is on twitter @isaactez

THE POWER OF A WOMAN

Wouldn't it have been nice if Adam had an iPad? Would have saved us all a lot of trouble.

By Isaac Ihekwoaba

Perhaps the most mysterious being on the face of the earth today is the woman. Complexity meets curvaciousness, deadly meets combustible – you are well advised not to cross a woman.

She may be the weaker sex (not to worry, a man wrote that), but she's the stronger species and they've been dominating this planet since that bloke, Adam took that apple. What was he doing?! Apparently he thought it was just an apple and was probably thinking of apple pie until his story became apple crumble. When you do think about it, that was the beginning of men taking sweet instructions from women and they've been instructing us ever since.

I have tried to deconstruct the woman's psyche but honestly I'm not making much progress. I can't understand women (Show me a man who can!) Imagine the fact that an incomprehensible species has been dominating our world for thousands of years (it's a male world isn't it?) and we are no closer to unraveling her despite all our advances in science. For heavens sake we deconstructed the molecule, split the atom and cloned a sheep and, we can't figure out women?!  

Never argue with a woman. You can't win; and you should stop wasting your time and take a cue from your father. And if a woman hits your car while you are driving or stationary you are guilty, trust me. Many years ago, this woman comes out of the side road, crosses two lanes on the expressway and hit this guy on the third lane far removed; and she accuses him - wait for this - she accuses him of not anticipating her desire to access the expressway from a side road! And you better respect a woman's right to her fundamental right 'woman' right of being the winner though guilty.

The management committee of a company I know is made up of four, with a single male. In a company strong on diversity even that is a disproportionate number. Can you imagine it the other way round? I fear that one day this company would be an all woman team. May God help their competitors. These women are so fearless and hard charging that life sessions was introduced at the company to make them matrimonially pliable.

The world would never be interesting without women. Think of how many businesses will collapse. Gossip magazines definitely won't survive. The size of the gossip economy is about the size of the annual budget of the richest African nation blessed with oil. What is there to write about without the salacious details of a man's entanglement with the beauty queen of the moment? Even Hollywood will collapse!  

History will never be complete without women. Can you imagine how many thrones have been overthrown by women? King Edward VIII absconded from the English throne because he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson, a divorcee. Sacrilege! Why do you think the world fatality is closely associated with women – 'femme fatale'? And can you honestly imagine a world without beauty queens? Who's interested in male fashion? Even women's tennis is becoming more popular than men's tennis. And now there's women's soccer. Come on, that's the last exclusive preserve or men and now they're taking it over.  

Men really are suckers. It's the same formula used on us over and over again and we keep falling for it. Do you honestly believe we marry women? Come on you know they marry us. And then you get on your knees to propose?! You get on your knees! Don't you know what that means? You turn into abject vassals of the ignominy of correspondence affection. And guess who says 'I do' last in a wedding ceremony?  

We ought to rewrite church liturgy on the conjugal union. And one more thing while we are still on this topic of marriage and besotted hearts: when a woman wants you, may God help you.   And how about the topic of sexual harassment? Can a woman sexually harass a man? Imagine pleading that in court as a man. Ha ha ha! Can a woman rape a man? That's an interesting topic for law professors. What do you think?  

Caveat:
NOT FOR FEMININE EYES.
Photo Credits: The internet

The writer is on twitter @isaactez

A GOVERNMENT FOR THE PEOPLE INDEED: OKADA BAN IN PARTS OF BENIN CITY AND WHAT IT PORTENDS

Comrade Adams Oshiomole. Edo State Governor

On Monday 17th of June 2013, low-income residents of Benin City, Edo State began to feel the impact of the ill-advised decision of the Comrade Governor, Adams Oshiomole to ban the use of commercial motorcycles and tricycles popularly known as "okada" and "keke" respectively.

Residents have continued to express dismay at what is considered a betrayal of massive proportions considering the fact that Comrade Oshiomole stated many times over that he never intended to ban the use of this alternative and very convenient means of transport. As they trekked under the blazing sun, nice words about the governor were in abundant scarcity.

The comrade governor made this announcement a week ago after the state Security Council meeting at the Government House in Benin City. He listed Ikpoba Okha, Oredo and Egor LGA's which constitute the Benin Metropolis as the areas to be affected by the ban. The ban came to effect yesterday regardless of several protests against it since the announcement. The comrade governor attributed security challenges and fatality rates of accidents as the reason for the decision to ban the activities of commercial bike riders.

While the concern of the comrade governor is admirable, it is premature as it is illogical. While it is well-known that okada riders have proved to be nuisances on the roads as well as becoming tools to perpetuate crime, the same could be said for motorists. No mention was made of the fact that the deplorable conditions of the road infrastructure contributes massively to the accidents.

Okada riders in the Benin Metropolis.

Going down to criminality, it is quite unfair to point to some okada riders as the cause for the increasing wave of crime. How often to do we hear that robberies or kidnapping are carried out by the use of commercial bikes? Statistics would show that the governor's premise is a very faulty one as cars are just as often involved in accidents and used to perpetuate crime.

The insincerity of this anti-people policy is more glaring when no serious attempt was made to regulate the operation of commercial bike riders with legislation or other form of restraint. This ban is akin to throwing away the bath water along with the baby. Why didn't he come up with this policy before he ran for second term? It is highly hypocritical for the Comrade Governor to attribute this sudden change of heart to the increasing spate of accidents and crime wave when it was an agenda he nursed from the very beginning.

The economic consequences of this policy will have far-reaching effects. It is no news that unemployment in Nigeria is at its zenith while infrastructure, despite taking leaps in recent times, especially in Edo State under the comrade governor's administration, there's still a lot to be done. This ban will affect negatively a high percentage of the commercial riders who have this as their only means of income with no visible alternative. What becomes of their families? How many people can afford to take cabs which are still ridiculously expensive in Benin? Will this policy not bring about an increase in crime rate that it seeks to cure in the first place?

I find it quite inhumane that the poor have to be at the receiving end of every policy or legislation that attempts to sanitize the mess Nigeria has become. The failure of government in its duties has led the masses to improvise in order to survive. Taking that away without providing a viable alternative is heartless to say the least.

This is the norm for politicians in Nigeria who kowtow to the electorate when they seek their votes and afterwards, suddenly become insensitive to their plight. Comrade Adams Oshiomole has joined the long list of governors of Nigerian governors who have bitten the hands that fed them. His betrayal is particularly painful because it was the unflinching support of commercial riders and commoners who rallied together to ensure that his stolen mandate was returned. This is the thanks we get.

It is understood that most times, change is rejected but it is inevitable. No doubt, this ban will sanitize Benin Metropolis but this is a democracy. Alienating the electorate by carrying out unilateral decisions such as these without regard to the untold hardship it will occasion is not right. There was no form of consultation with those to be affected. In fact, they were lulled by a false of security that the comrade governor was of a different stock considering that at a time, he fought on the side of the common man. At the end of the day, all politicians are the same.

A word of caution to all politicians: it is apparent that when politicians enter into public service, they get faced with an entirely different reality as they enjoy the unnecessary trappings of office and inevitably develop amnesia to the reality on ground. Nigerians are suffering! If you will not better the living conditions of the people, do not make it worse.

With Oshiomole's embarrassing antics at the just concluded LG elections and this new policy, he has just alienated further the people who believed and voted him in. This may have dire consequences for the ruling party in Edo State, the Action Congress Nigeria (ACN) in the long run. The hero he was once touted to be has begun to diminish gradually in the eyes of many. He just may live long enough to see himself become the villain.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credits: Google.

GRATITUDE

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder
If you are reading this post today, you are alive and presumably well. You must have a roof over your head; you must have had at least a meal; you must have decent clothes to wear and a reasonable stream of income. If not, how else would you be able to afford that Blackberry device, Apple iPad or that Samsung Galaxy or any other mobile device? You also have a kind of internet subscription that enables you to surf the net and check my blog.
Have you ever wondered for a second how life would be like if you never owned and or couldn't afford any of the things listed above? Yeah, you may have been born into a wealthy home but fortunes change. Don't you consider yourself rather fortunate to be where you are today? Do you know that for you who can not afford any of these but own, a least a torch-light Nokia phone, there's still someone out there your age who has never dreamed of owning a mobile phone?
The essence of the above questions can be encapsulated in a statement: there's always someone who has it worse. No matter how bad your situation is, you have got it better than someone out there. For that reason, we all have a reason to be grateful.
Many times, we get so caught up in the rat race that is life. The race to earn more and acquire as much as we can, not necessarily because we need them but because such acquisitions are some form of social status symbol. When we finally acquire these things, we never get the satisfaction we desire and we move on to other conquests. Acquisition never begets satisfaction; only contentment does. When we fail to acquire these things we grumble and make negative comments.
Have you ever sat down once to consider where you are and for once, be grateful? Firstly, life and good health are the best gifts ever to be had; and they are free! For as long as a man is alive and healthy, there's no telling what he can be tomorrow. Secondly, why is it only right to compare oneself with peers who are successful? How about your unsuccessful peers? An objective analysis of how far you've gone in life is incomplete without assessing both sides of the coin.
Many times, we get so focused on the things we don't have that we forget the things we have. We envy those we consider successful, not considering that they do not see themselves so. We neglect the joys our place in life affords us and complain unnecessarily over the position we are yet to attain. We spend our time expressing bitter emotions because our ingratitude over what we have in life has turned us to bitter people and bitter people are the ultimate pessimists.
Have you said "thank you" for the air you breathe? Have you taken stock of the people in your life without whom your life would have been a lot more difficult? How can you hope to get more out of life when you haven't appreciated the things you consider little. A heart full of gratitude is a happy heart and it moves the forces of nature to work in your favour. Gratitude is the key to true greatness; a key that opens the doors to all possibilities.
Rather than complain about what you don't have, take time out of everyday to be grateful for the good things in your life. Didn't the old song say count and name your blessings? You'll be surprised at just how lucky you are.
Malcolm O. Ifi.

RELATIONSHIPS AND THIRD PARTIES

Hey guys,

Miss me? :)

I'm sorry I've not been able to blog in while. So much has been going on in my life recently that its been tough to keep up. Anyways, I'm here now and that's all that counts really. I have been inundated with questions from my dear readers as to why I haven't continued with the Mickey Jay Memoirs on my other blog at www.saymalcolm.wordpress.com. You know Mickey Jay, don't you? In the event that you don't, then i suggest you visit the above mentioned wordpress site and familiarize yourselves with the exciting sexcapades of Mickey Jay.

Anyway, I've been working on several other projects that will see the light of day soon by God's grace. The Mickey Jay Memoirs will continue soon so please, don't give up on me. I need you all to keep my talent alive. Oh, by the way...i must mention with a certain amount of modest pride that I never knew the Mickey Jay Memoirs had developed such a large following and in recent times, I've been opportuned to meet with some of my readers and I must say that I feel blessed to be connected with all of you. Thanks for the mails, the calls, twitter dms and above all, your words of encouragement. I believe the best is yet to come.

Now that we've cleared that aside, we shall progress with the topic of the day. I was stuck in a very awkward situation quite recently and I thought it would be nice to talk about it. I attended a little get-together which consisted mostly of both married and unmarried couples and a healthy sprinkle of single guys and ladies. In such gatherings, there is the tendency to get intimidated if you are single or your better half is absent with so much open display of affection and love in the air. In such situations, I enjoy observing how various partners show love and affection for each other.

Sadly, there was a particular couple that caught my attention the most. They seemed to be totally immune from the love vibes that surrounded the atmosphere. They kept staring at each other with anger written all over their faces but somehow, I could tell they were crazy about each other. They made several private trips out of the joyous setting and each time they returned, they seemed madder than ever.

I noticed all this with interest so I approached the young man and asked him what the problem was between him and his woman. It turned out to be my greatest mistake of the evening. Before he could respond, madam materialized from nowhere and insisted that she be part of the conversation. When I saw what it was coming to, I tried to withdraw as politely as I could but it was too late. I had unwittingly become the umpire they had been seeking since their argument began.

Well, I'm never one to shy away from offering my services to promote world peace being a trained alternative dispute resolution expert. We moved to a quieter place and when the complaints began, I felt awkward...really awkward because these were issues that I felt should remain within the all sacred realm of privacy (...and no, I'm not going to tell you what the bickering was about! *tongue out*).

To cut the story short, I vehemently refused to take sides which was what they wanted me to do. I plainly told them with this sort of disagreement, they had no business being at the get-together or anywhere else for that matter but their bedrooms until they resolved their issues.

I'm no relationship expert but experience has taught me that you don't wash dirty linens in the full glare of the public or involve third parties for that matter. Being in a relationship or marriage should involve a certain level of maturity that begets commitment as its a very sensitive affair and should be treated as such. Call me crazy or traditional but I'ven ever believed in marriage counseling or therapy - those stuff we see in Hollywood movies. I'm not saying counseling or therapy doesn't work but I feel a person who is deeply committed to his/her partner WON'T rush out to seek counseling from someone who has no idea where you're both from or what you've both have been through to get to where you both are when you can do it yourself.

My opinion is simple; if you're a serious person in a serious relationship, one thing must always be at the back of your mind: no matter what, I'm in this for the long haul. Both parties must work it out except the interest in the relationship has dwindled and the will to rejuvenate it is no longer there, in which case, counseling and therapy is an exercise in futility.

To be in lasting relationship, each party must agree first of all to go all in. Leave no room for doubts or options. With that mindset, when problems arise, you realise you have no choice but to work it out. A very good way to achieve this is to ensure that both parties never to go sleep at night bearing grudges or attend social functions together when there's a stiffness about a previous argument. Always clear the air.

Secondly, communication channels must always be left open no matter how angry you get or no matter how ferocious the argument is. There should be no limit to what you both talk about. Majority of the problems faced in relationships come from lack of or poor communication skills. If you can't communicate with the person you say you love, then you shouldn't be in there in the first place.

Thirdly, its about two of you and just the TWO OF YOU. There should be no room for third parties. No one knows what you guys are all about better than you two. The moment you understand that, there's no problem that you come across relationship-wise you can't handle.

Fourth and final, compromise. Nobody is perfect; you're not, she's not and vice versa. You're both different so you must learn to accommodate each others differences. If what you have is real, arguments and pig-headed opinions are miniscule compared to what you both share. You don't get awards for scoring points against your partner. Both parties must know when to back down or agree to terms that will end in a win-win situation.

Oh...the fourth isn't really the final thing to know. As time unfolds, there'll be more. Have a lovely weekend.
:)

Malcolm O. Ifi.