The Standard of Influence

America is indeed a great country. They are the largest export of culture in the world via the media of movies, music and democracy. Even though their financial capability have whittled down considerably since the 2008 financial meltdown, they still remain a force to be reckoned with.

America's greatness lies in the image it has been able to successfully sell to the world. Its massive advertising prowess is evident in musical and movie preferences, fashion trends, exotic lifestyle, government systems, consumer models and the likes. Never underestimate phrases like 'The American Dream', 'the greatest nation on earth' etc, that make peoples of the world migrate in droves and aspire to be American.

While this ability is impeccable because they actually do have a system that works and are indeed a great nation, do we really have to kowtow to everything they do?

Every individual nation is unique in its own way. Take Nigeria, for instance. Nigeria is possibly the closest to American in the African continent because of its diversity but the incidents that gave birth to both countries are miles apart. While America is a creation of consensus, Nigeria is a creation of colonialism and is united by shared experiences. So what makes America the standard of influence?

Today, the world is inundated with images of what is right. The West has toppled nations that did not embrace democracy and every day, we are persuasively encouraged by the media on culture switch and sadly, most of us are victims, myself included.

The influence of Western pop culture is evident in everyday life world over through the medium of entertainment and rightly so as entertainment has taken the forefront in today's world. The irresistible glitz and glamour rightly coincides with the fact that the industry has become one of the highest industry earners in the world today.

Hollywood and TV contributes a whopping $175 billion annually to the US economy with over $15 billion going to taxes. This is more than the annual budget of most African countries! In Nigeria, the story is pretty much the same. Nollywood has become the third largest movie industry in the world, grossing about $286 million annually and the music industry in Nigeria is the largest in Africa.

While we applaud the successes of the industry, what are its implications in terms of subliminal messaging? In Nigeria, there is a gradual extinction of our indigenous cultures as our generation have become increasingly "westernized". Just like how our indigenous religion caved in to western superiority, the same is now the case with regard to our culture.

One cannot help but notice that West's moral bankruptcy is now the new gospel. In almost all aspects of our social life that has to do with the media, our subconcious is battered endlessly with fads that has gradually eroded our cultural identity.

Granted, the new way of life as advertised is quite attractive, some of it anyway but the danger it portends is not to be ignored. I was in a gathering of young people recently and could hardly believe the amount of hogwash I heard. Our young people are more fixated on morally bankrupt programs like Keeping Up With The Kardashians and the likes than understanding the history of Nigeria. I was mortified when one of these persons had not an inkling of what a parliamentary system of government was but she could tell me in detail of the Kardashians if I had asked.

Little wonder why some of these undergrads are unpeturbed about the current ASUU strike.

I fear for the new generation. With the prominence of Google which has made information easy to retrieve, I find it hard to understand why youths of today are not walking encyclopedias.

Inasmuch as we may choose to ignore it, we are gradually building an army of educated illiterates who know little or nothing about the world we live in. While a big chunk of blame would naturally go the high level of decay in the educational sector, the truth is that the thirst for knowledge has been relegated to the background for other valueless pursuits.

The world has become too fast-paced. Proper parenting is becoming a myth and this is probably the major blame-taker. Kids of today have become too worldly-wise because of improper supervision. The family is no longer the first agent of socialisation as unrestricted access to adult-stuff now lies at their finger tips and being impressionable creatures, you'd be surprised about how much they have learned; knowledge that they can't handle.

It is in this that opinions are formed and habits, learned. Without doubt, the perceived drudgery of reading a book is cast aside for the more promising excitement that the glimmer of entertainment has to offer.

It is important for today's parents to strive to instill a little analogue into this generation of digital kids. While I'm always impressed when I see kids that can operate iPads comfortably, how well can they read a book or write? What is their thought process like? Have they been configured to just be users and not makers?

The standard of influence has to change.

I am @saymalcolm on twitter.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

THE HOPE THAT KILLS

Human beings have the amazing ability to adapt to what obtains in their environment. It is the reason we have survived on planet earth this long. It is the reason we have inhabited this earth for so long and have adapted even as the planet changed as a result of our activities.

Change is a never ending process. In life, there's no static. Its either progression or regression; movement is constant either in the positive or in the negative.

One of the major causes of discontent in world today is as a result of dissatisfaction with self; broken dreams and the eventual disillusionment. The onset of life is filled with hope and optimism for a brighter tomorrow. A man born is learns to believe that things will eventually get better. What happens when things don't get better?

It is amazing that in survey many years ago, Nigerians were regarded as the happiest people on earth. In a country were nothing really works, you start to wonder what the criteria was to label Nigerians happy. I prefer the more appropriate term "Hopeless hopefuls".

I have come to believe that the rare ability to numb ourselves to the harsh realities of today and live in an imaginary tomorrow with improved conditions is the reason we are what we are today. How does the average gateman who earns -N-20,000 monthly with a wife and four mouths to feed manage to break a smile? It is the belief that his situation can change in the blink of an eye.

This is one of the reason a revolution is near impossible in Nigeria. Everybody is content to live with the pitiable status quo and wait his turn even though it may never come. This mentality is killing us because we have become pushovers. We have no idea what a good economy looks like so we sit and wait or devise means to get a shot at the national cake.

This is not the way forward.

Take the ASUU strike for instance. The impasse between the Federal Government and the Union just clocked a hundred days and the curious thing is I don't see no protests. NANS is busy pretending to be the mouth-piece of the unfortunate students by lambasting the opposition party about how they are using the strike to score cheap political points.

Cheap, they say.

Isn't the job of the opposition to criticize? We may not like how they go about it but isn't that what they are supposed to do? Somehow, NANS has conveniently forgotten that the Federal Government has reneged on every deal it has signed with the Union. Why don't they condemn this shady attitude? Your guess is as good as mine.

How about the unfortunate plane crash that happened in Lagos sometime last week. Not to make light of the tragedy but "deadi bodi get e accident, yekpa!". Didn't Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti see this coming years ago?

The aircraft conveyed the remains of former governor of Ondo State, Olusegun Agagu and, wait for it, former Minister of Aviation during the Obasanjo administration. It is mind-boggling that Nigeria has had not less than 18 incidents of air mishaps since 1999, with at least 3 happening in the last 2 years.

The real tragedy of the most recent tragedy was the statement credited to the current Aviation Minister, Stella Odua that air crashes are "an act of God". Any right thinking human cannot help but marvel at the obvious mental flaw in such line of reasoning. The only logical conclusion to be drawn is that something is horribly wrong with those who have run the aviation ministry since the inception of the 4th Republic.

As if the mediocrity espoused by the current Aviation Minister wasn't bad enough, another former Aviation Minister, Chief Fani Kayode sought to correct her by saying air mishaps were the hand work of the devil. In what could clearly be ascribed to incompetence, these Ministers decided to blame God and the devil.

Wonderful!

The NCAA responded by reactively suspending the licenses of Associated Airlines; and of course Dana Air which was responsible for the death of 163 persons in June last year. Only God knows why Dana was granted the license to ever fly again in Nigeria after such a tragedy of such humongous proportions.

We all are to blame for the continuous misfortunes that befall us as a nation. The Nigerian man does not think right; something is horribly wrong with his mind. It is the reason he accepts what he sees as his fate and continues to hope that some day, God will come down from heaven to change things for him. Why will God come down to change things for us when we believe that every evil that befall us is His will?

This hope for a better tomorrow has become a poison. A seed that has bred the spirit of indolence amongst us. Perhaps it is time to reduce the spectrum of that hope that binds us all in misery to realistic limits. We have been pushed to the wall but we use our backs to break the wall so that we can be pushed further. That is not the consciousness of a people that need change. Only fools continue to do the same thing in the same manner and expect a different result each time.

It is time to do things differently.

I am @saymalcolm on twitter.

OFFICE DATING COMMANDMENTS (FOR MEN)

Rap today sounds pretty much the same these days with the mundane recycling of lyrics. Only few still keep it real in the game and amongst the chosen few is the hip hop messiah called Duno.

Just when we thought we had heard the best of his special delivery on the most unconventional rap topics many rappers wouldn't dare touch like he did on the amazing single "Define Sex", he comes out with a hot new single titled "Office Dating Commandments(for men)".

In this song, the Benin-born rapper once again astounds us all with his amazing intellect laced with hilarious metaphors and such unique delivery you will never find anywhere else as he guides us through the pitfalls of office dating relationships. You want to learn not a few tricks about office dating? Download and listen to the hot new single; its the best place to start!

Happy listening!

YOUTUBE LINK - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bWTdd4YAs&feature=youtu.be

HULKSHARE LINK (AUDIO) - http://old.hulkshare.com/7kxuumfnk64g

VIDEO DOWNLOAD LINK - http://www1.datafilehost.com/d/3ae5d775

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Gold-Plated iPhones: Is Nigeria Run By Humans?

As I write this article with Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti's Army Arrangement playing in the background, I feel the visionary maestro turning in his grave at the current happenings in Nigeria. The only word that sufficiently captures how I feel right now is rage. You should feel it too if you knew the cause of my rage.

There was chatter this morning about iPhones on social media but I didn't bother to investigate as I was very busy. However, the news came to me during lunch time and when it did, I can swear that my heart stopped for at least 5 seconds!

Here is a country grappling with man-made problems that threaten her very existence. The north has been ravaged for over two years with serious insurgency problems; we have witnessed heights of unemployment previously unknown; ASUU has embarked on what could probably be its longest strike yet in a bid to force the FG honour an agreement it signed with it over a decade ago, which is going on its third month yet the priority of this administration is iPhones!

The list of problems bedeviling Nigeria under the current administration can be represented by a number a whole lot larger than Metuselah's age but in the usual utter disregard of what's important, many Nigerians are still reeling from the shock after a foreign newspaper reported that the Nigerian Government have placed order for 53 gold-plated Apple iPhones engraved with the coat of arms, a shield and two horses worth N689m to commemorate Nigeria's 53rd Independence Day celebration!

Pray tell, Mr. President, what independence are we celebrating when the nation is in bondage? Bondage to corruption, insurgency, dilapidated infrastructure, a fatally-afflicted educational sector, a crippled health sector, the list goes on and on. Yet, a government that has refused to honour its agreement with ASUU, claiming it would shut the economy down can afford to go on splurge to buy 53 gold-plated iPhones with hundreds of millions, build a Centenary City for the FCT to celebrate the 1914 amalgam of Northern and Southern Protectorates with billions when existing cities can't boast of functional infrastructure, spend billions to maintain a wasteful fleet of private jets, contract our territorial waters security to militants to mention a few. If ASUU never had a reason to strike until their demands are met, they have one now. This is a fight that must be fought to finish.

It breaks my heart that these men in authority, our so-called rulers are not straight or measuring up and have hearts as black as endless pits. Their souls are evil as evil itself. How these oligarchs can, in the face of all Nigerians go through on a daily as result of visionless leadership, make such decisions without the fear of God or anything close to it continues to baffle me. It completely stupifies me that these acts continue over and over again, each worse than the former without fear of any form of consequence.

We the downtrodden, have contributed in empowering the political class to continually shit on our faces, taking it with a smile. In the eternal words of Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti, "suffering and smiling". We have given them the license to treat us as slaves because we have refused to open our eyes to realise our worth. We have refused to see that we have the power. We have adjusted to and are content with to live with the current culture of abuse.

I resigned a long time ago that the Nigeria of today is not yet ready for change. We have watched with folded arms as Nigeria became a theater of the absurd with each stupid and reckless government policy surpassing the other even though we thought it not humanly possible. We have the mind of a great mob - we don't think. Its easy to whip up sentiments and send us all on a wild goose chase with a catchy phrase and after we have expended our energies, a new distraction is put in place and in no time, we forget all that is really important.

With the current crisis going on in PDP, it has been my most fervent prayer that majority of Nigerians will snap out of their hypnosis and realise what a hydra-headed demon PDP is and for once, work to install a suitable replacement. Even with the massive political awareness because of social media, there's still a long way to go. As Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon said, "...2015 is inherently laden with a political thalidomide...". I'm inclined to agree, except we rise up and make concerted, co-ordinated and sustained efforts to ensure that sanity returns.

Enough is enough!

Malcolm O. Ifi.

THE EFFICACY OF TALENTS

"And unto one he gave five talents..."

See Matthew 25: 14 - 30

I was watching a documentary about Christopher Wallace a.k.a. Notorious B. I. G. yesterday and despite being a die-hard Tupac Shakur fan, I came to the realization that in the senseless feud that raged between both rap icons which ultimately claimed both their lives, Tupac was the antagonist.

That's by the wayside.

What struck me however was how both uncommonly talented rappers in the rap game wielded so much power that they were able to influence with ease, hip hop culture and stir up emotions of love, adoration and hate. There was hardly any hip hop head who wasn't forced to take sides. I chose Tupac.

That is the power of a well-developed talent.

A talent is simply a special natural ability or skill inherent in every human.

Growing up, my skills inclined towards the arts. The talent that stood out then was my drawing skill and it was so obvious because I was a comic book addict. I still am.

However, it was heavily frowned upon by my father. In the way he saw the world at that time, art would lead me nowhere. The norm was to study a professional course and get a government job, and being an obedient child most of the time, I succumbed.

This myopic world view eventually led to the gradual demise of my interest in drawing; something I regret deeply everyday. True, there was no encouragement but the greatest mistake I made was to AGREE to follow the norm as I was indoctrinated.

I pursued my academics with fervor believing that I would at the end of the day, get a civil service job just like my father. My talent became a stranger as the economics of the nation spiraled downward, making certain expectations a mirage but I kept on going.

Fortunately, I found another way. I still draw but my tools are different. I no longer use pencils and paint; I use words.

Today, there are many youths out there who went through the same experience I did. We were taught to put all our eggs in one basket. We were made to hope for jobs instead of creating jobs. This orientation choked our creativity and stunted our growth as individuals and as a nation.

With our laid-back attitude, we missed the formula for progress on an individual basis; Talent + Passion = Success.

Today, capitalism has proved to be the recipe for vibrant economic development. It is deep-rooted in the entrepreneurship spirit that unfortunately, did not form part of our education while growing up.

In developed countries, emphasis is given to creative and entrepreneural development as well as qualitative education, matched with hands on experience. These ingredients could not help but lead to increased competence and healthy competition that aided economic productivity and growth.  

In Nigeria, we lost focus as emphasis was placed on worthless piece of papers called certificates which invariably led to lazy brains and hands. This ailment slowly crept into minds and lives of many and today, the resultant effects are staggering.

As Nigeria sluggishly and laboriously shifts in the direction capitalism, it is pertinent to emphasize the need to desensitize and re-orient our mentality, especially that of the young and up-coming generations from parasitic expectations to symbiotic realities.

Every person must make it a personal mission to discover, nurture and develop their in-born talents. We must bring back our creativity from the dusty attic, oil them and shift to hyper drive. No matter how much talents may be similar or vary, they are our contributions which are key to our development.

You want to make a difference in this world, develop your talent. Talents are not to be wasted; they are means to advancing humanity and specifically, the black race which is lagging behind in the world today in all respects.  

Imagine a world where Michael Jackson was a lawyer, where Tupac was a doctor and Christoper Wallace, an engineer. They would have come and gone the same way many lawyers, doctors, engineers and other professionals have come and gone without leaving their footprints in the sands of time.

How many talents were you given? Will you be like the foolish servant who went and hid his in the earth? Do you remember what became his lot when his master returned?

Let us be wise. Africa has been given talents. You have been given at least, a talent. What are you doing with it? The change you seek will not come if we don't make use of that which lies within us.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

MISTAKES ARE GOOD. MAKE ONE TODAY!

Hehehehe...I got your attention, didn't I? Of course I did. However, I must inform you that the intent of today's topic is not to merely get your attention like those other attention-grabbing headlines you see on other blogs or newspapers.

This should get your attention because of the inherent paradox but going further, you realise that your attention is being drawn to the truth. The topical assertion above is nothing short of the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  

What are mistakes then, you may wonder? A mistake is simply an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. It is an error or fault resulting in defective judgment, deficient knowledge or carelessness.  

From the above definition, I must issue out a disclaimer; mistakes are only good for people who DECIDE to make it good for them. The conscious choice or decision to move forward as a much wiser person in that specific erroneous regard is what makes all the difference.

In other words, I'm talking of those who don't just stay focused on the immediate consequences of their mistakes but focus on the useful lessons learned which hold the key to achieving the desired results after subsequent tries.

Take for instance Thomas Alva Edison, the American inventor. After several failed attempts at inventing the electric light bulb, he was asked what he thought about his failure to create a light bulb, he said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." He went on to create the electric light bulb.  

Mistakes are a very necessary part of an active existence. A person who has never made a mistake has never done anything and has never learned anything. For this reason, you should never be shy or scared about making a mistake. A friend of mine once told me, "You never lose money; you buy lessons." Lessons learned from mistakes that costs you something dear are those that stick.  

Every mistake should be a voyage of discovery. Mistakes can be embarrassing but its better to suffer the embarrassment that comes from mistakes than suffer the consequence of sustained ignorance borne out of the fear of making mistakes.  

You must configure your mind-set to shed all fear of mistakes, though costly they may be. Never let the fear of making a mistake keep you from taking that step. Do your homework, venture into that which you seek to do and take lessons from whatever mistakes you make and venture into it again and again(persistence is key), armed with the experience and knowledge gathered from previous mistakes.  

There's nothing you can't do if you set your heart to it. Just appreciate your mistakes for what they are; learning the hard way and most times, learning the hard way is the best way. So go ahead and make that mistake...and be sure to learn from it! :)

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credits: The Simpsons

#CHILDNOTBRIDE CAMPAIGN: MISGUIDED OR MISUNDERSTOOD?

This is just ridiculous!

The social media was agog with so much frenzy when news of what transpired in the Senate in the past week hit the media streets. I have received not less than 50 broadcasts on bbm from people claiming to be massively involved in the fight against the passage of a bill to legalize under-age marriage. I was shocked when I read most of these broadcasts and was greatly depressed because I realized that majority of us Nigerians are an ignorant lot!

If people spent half the time they do reading newspapers, listening to the news on the radio and watching news on TV or actually visiting google more often for current news headlines rather than reading gossip columns like Linda Ikeji's blog and other gossip media, they would be more informed. For Linda Ikeji's teeming fans, this is not a swipe at Linda Ikeji but a swipe at those of you who take her stories as the gospel truth. Y'all need to learn the difference between gossip and fact!

Contrary to what many people think as regards the issue, there wasn't an actual bill to legalize under-age marriage. What happened was during the on-going constitutional amendment carried on by the National Assembly, with specific regard to Section 29 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, the Senate Committee sought to amend the subsection stated copiously below.

Section 29 (1) provides thus;

"Any citizen of Nigeria of full age who wishes to renounce his Nigerian citizenship shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation"

Section 29 (4) further states thus;

"For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section
(a) "Full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) Any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age." (Emphasis mine).

A probable but unwise interpretation of this subsection is that a girl who gets married at the age of 13 or less is of full age and can decide to change her citizenship regardless of her mental capacity. This was the bone of contention for the Senate Committee. The Senate Committee was of the opinion that the provision should be expunged because of this perceived ambiguity. This is where the problem started.

Senator Ahmed Yerima whom we all know as a "staunch" defender of Sharia Law swung into action saying that the section was against the tenets of Islam. I am no expert in Islamic affairs, but this in my opinion however, was no defense of Islam but the defense of his lecherous whims especially in the light of his condemnable marriage to a 13 year old Egyptian girl in 2009. His view is that once a girl is married, she has full mental capacity to renounce her citizenship and understand the implication thereof.

This, my friends, is a shitload of bollocks! I'll tell you why.

In all the hue and cry that followed, we all forgot something - and this is often the case when religion and emotions get involved in arguments - we skip the salient points. The subsection said "woman" and not "girl". The wording of the sub-section is clear and unambiguous. Except "Hon"Yerima and the other Senators who missed this are trying to tell me that the word "woman" is a synonym for "girl", what's all the fuss about?

For the "unlearned", any question of statutory interpretation begins with looking at the plain language of the statute to discover its original intent. To discover a statute's original intent, courts first look to the words of the statute and apply their usual and ordinary meanings. Only when that fails, can we deem such a statute to be ambiguous before recourse can be had to the intent of the legislature when making the law or other methods of statutory interpretation.

Amazingly, Ahmed Yerima gathered a few followers with his warped sense of logic and when it came up for a second vote, though the majority of senators voted that the subsection be expunged, they couldn't get the required two-thirds majority to expunge as provided for by Section 9(2) of the constitution which states thus;

Section 9(2)  “An Act of the National Assembly for the alteration of this Constitution… shall not be passed in either House of the National Assembly unless the proposal is supported by the votes of not less than two-thirds majority of all the members of that House and approved by resolution of the Houses of Assembly of not less than two-thirds of all the states.”

Therefore, in this regard, the majority of the Senate only failed to expunge the subsection because of the requirement of the above mentioned Section 9(2) which basically gave Yerima and his cohorts the power to hold the rest of the Senate to ransom. However, this attempt to expunge the subsection, though noble is misguided and highly unnecessary.

That being said, The Child Rights Act was passed into law in 2003 and Section 277 defines a child as anyone below 18 years of age. Also, Sections 21 and 22 of the Act effectively criminalizes child marriage and betrothal in Nigeria. What needs to be done is to push for The Child Rights Act to be domesticated in every one of the 36 states in Nigeria.

As at today, 12 states are yet to domesticate The Child Act and apart from Enugu State, the rest of them are states from the North. This in my opinion, is a deliberate ploy to undermine the efficacy of the Act.

Furthermore, any court that makes the mistake of towing the line of the thoughts of our obviously "unlearned" senators who sought to expunge the Section 29(4)(b) of the Constitution poses a serious threat to the applicability and enforceability to the Act as all enacted laws that are inconsistent with the constitution are void to the extent of their inconsistency because the Constitution is the grund norm of the nation and is supreme to any other law enacted. 

 Section 1(1) provides, “This Constitution and its provisions shall have binding force on all authorities and persons throughout the Federal Republic of Nigeria”.

In addition to this, Section 1(3) provides, “If any other law is inconsistent with the provisions of this Constitution, this Constitution shall prevail and that other law shall to the extent of the inconsistency be void."

For avid social media users, please be selective in the information that you consume and take as fact.

This is my two kobo on the issue.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

TRAFFIC ENFORCERS OR LEGITIMATE NUISANCES

There has been a very disturbing trend in state governance in recent times, especially in states who have adopted the pattern of aggressive revenue generation. Aggressive revenue generation in itself is not a bad thing; especially when it translates into infrastructural development.
However, what smears the whole process is the use of unbridled and unhinged touts to achieve the goal of aggressive taxation. The practice began with the Babatunde Raji Fashola administration. A stranger who drives into Lagos for the first is very likely to get snagged by one of the numerous touts wearing uniforms. From Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LASTMA) to Anti-One Way, Zero Tolerance, Kick Against Indiscipline (KAI) and all other sorts of traffic enforcers, it is incontestable that some level of sanity has returned on our roads. The fear of hefty fines or car impounds has proved to be a deterrent to many erstwhile reckless motorists. However, tales abound of how these road traffic enforcers have converted their the legitimate offices into tools of extortion and in some cases, they have become probable causes of accidents on our roads. I have heard several stories of how the activities of certain over-zealous officials, LASTMA especially have been the cause of some very bad accidents which claimed lives. In Benin, following the foot steps of the ACN class captain, the comrade governor Adams Oshiomole introduced something similar; Edo State Traffic Management Authority (EDSTMA) they are called. There's no doubt that some sanity has returned to the roads too but my particular concern is the those who constitute these road traffic authorities. I was moved to write this at the behest of a doctor friend who experienced first hand, the extortionist ring these uniformed touts have become in Benin and everywhere they have sprang up so far. Here's his story: "I was driving around King's Square, very close to the House of Assembly last friday at about 4pm when a uniformed man jumped into my car and said, "Bros, drop something." "For what?" I asked, still shocked from the intrusion into my private space. I thought I was being robbed. The uniform he wore calmed me down sort of. "I am taking you to the office for forming double lane." He said. "How?" I asked, bamboozled. There was a terrible hold-up in progress as is often the case by this time of the day at Kings Square. I was firmly locked in between two cars on the right lane. My insistence generated an argument which attracted several of his colleagues. We both got out of the car and passersby and other motorists saw the situation and told these men I had done no wrong but all to no avail. My car key was seized and I was taken to their office and given a ticket which read "Illegal Parking" with an absurd fine of N23000!

I made some calls and met some UNIBEN old boys who worked at the office of the Ministry of Works where I was taken to. They intervened and the "ransom" was reduced to N8000. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to pay that ridiculous sum over trumped up accusations! Well, I did and got into my car and drove off straight to James Watt Road to buy tyres only to discover I had been robbed of my jack!

Once extorted and robbed, you kind of have the antidote or you become immune because you discover you know some people in the office to call next time. However, it is wrong and should stop so I want us to work together to put this menace under control. Thank you." I am very sure that after reading about his ordeal at the hand of these uniformed rogues, many of you have had similar experiences or even worse. It is sad that with Nigeria, there's always a loophole to exploit any installed measure to instill sanity in all works of life. Suggestions are welcome on how to curb the illegal activities of these uniformed nuisances. Malcolm O. Ifi.

RIVERS STATE HOUSE OF ASSEMBLY: A SHOW OF SHAME

Wonders they say shall never end. This couldn't be truer under the Nigerian political set-up. I had deliberately decided to stop writing anything with political undertones. Each time I put out an article out there complaining about something absurd in our political space, something new always seemed to come up to stun me and indeed millions of other Nigerians.

Makes me wonder if there's actually a monitoring spirit somewhere that eagerly waits for when Nigerians say "It can't get worse than this" or "Nothing about this country can ever surprise me again".

BOOOM!! Always wrong!

I am referring to the embarrassing mayhem that engulfed the Rivers State House of Assembly on the 9th of July which was spurred on by the audaciously stupendous move by five rogue legislators to impeach the current Speaker of the house without regard to due process.  

The genesis of all this is believed to be the festering differences between the Rivers State governor Rotimi Amaechi; and the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, his wife Patience and the Minister of State for Education, Chief Nyesom Wike, who is the principal figure in a plot to undermine the authority of the governor of Rivers State who is seen to be a potential threat to President Jonathan's second term candidacy.  

The long and drawn out battle has also seen the deeply troubled PDP attempt all manner of absurdities to remove Amaechi as the chairman of the Nigerian Governors Forum despite a free and fair election in which he defeated Plateau State governor Jonah Jang clearly who is considered Mr. President's candidate.

Unfortunately, Mr. President has decided to keep mum on the subject rather than make a definitive statement, preferring to send his errand boys out to issue out vague statements as regards the crisis. This new crisis is the Rivers State House of Assembly could very well be the fallout of the President's visit to the state last week.

It is understood that the rogue five led by Evans Bipi, a former aide to the first lady and now a PDP legislator representing Ogu/Bolo constituency in River State stormed the premises with thugs who dislodged the sitting legislators, commenced impeachment proceedings against the current speaker, Otelemaba Amachree and illegally elected Evans Bipi as his replacement.  

However, the video that went viral yesterday is the response by another lawmaker, Chidi Lloyd who is believed to be one of Governor Rotimi Amaechi's loyalists. The video is one of the most blood-thirsty displays of violence and rascality I have ever seen, second only to the Aluu killings that happened last year.  

The "honourable" member clad in white caftan and red cap was seen clobbering one of the rogue five - his colleague, senselessly with the mace until it broke. Even when blood was spilled, he continued with his ferocious attack. It will be very difficult to make me believe that Mr. Chidi Lloyd has not taken a human life before. He displayed such murderous intent and seemed to be quite at home with blood and violence. Such a man has no business making laws for human beings. He should be in the company of wild animals; canivores specifically. If a lawmaker cannot go through the proper channels of seeking redress, who will?!  

Another clip showed an officer of the police force brutalizing a sitting member...in fact, I was at loss for words when I viewed the video for the first time. It is the height of crass irresponsibility for a sitting legislator to behave in such rascal manner akin to motor park touts and university cultists. Not an iota of decorum! As for the role of that police man, I have no words to describe just how stupid that was. I sincerely hope he gets summarily dismissed from the force and has criminal proceedings instituted against him for good measure because apparently, he has not an idea of what his job as law officer entails.  

As I watched the video, what crossed my mind was how such despicable characters got elected into the state legislature in the first place. Are things so bad that we now have barbarians sitting in hallowed law-making chambers with the fate of people in their hands? One would expect that Evan Bipi would know that a quorum is required to carry out an impeachment proceeding. Is it that he didn't know this or knew but believed himself to be above the law because he had presidential backing?  

Download, watch and be amazed! http://bit.ly/1ab5bBk

Image credit: Unknown

ARE YOU YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BEST FRIEND?

Before we begin with this topic, there is something we must get out of the way. It is the reality that whether you agree to come to terms with it or not, your best friend could have another as a best friend and could also be the best friend to many others. That being said, where does that leave you?

The word "friend" has lost its special meaning in recent times as it has taken on new meanings over time especially in today's world. With the advent of social media networks like facebook amongst others, the word has acquired new and ordinary meanings which pales in significance to its original meaning.

A new definition is stated thus as:

"A person associated with someone as a contact on a social networking site. "We've never met but we are facebook friends."

I had to laugh when I saw this!

Another definition of friendship is a person who gives assistance; a patron; a supporter; a person who is not hostile; members of the same nation, party, religious group. etc 

Moving on to coinages popular among the younger generation, we now have phrases like friends with benefits, friend zone, fair-weather friends, bestie, etc. It is sad to note that the effects of these new coinages is a complete deviation from the original notion of friendship.

Having gone through a myriad of definitions, the most complete definition that encapsulates the concept of friendship is;

A person whom one knows or whom one is attached to with whom one has or shares a bond of mutual affection or esteem, typically exclusive of family or sexual relations.

The basic elements of friendship are listed thus;

- a friend is someone you know personally.
- a friend is someone you respect and appreciate greatly.
- a friend is someone you support and assist unflinchingly when necessary.
- such friend is no blood relation or sexual partner of yours.

And, the most important of all;

- a friend is someone who feels the exact same way about you as listed above. In other words, the feeling is mutual.

When I think of the above listed characteristics, my model is David and Jonathan. For the benefit of our non-Bible reading readers, David was the son of Jesse, a farm boy who was anointed King of Israel during the subsistence of the reign of King Saul of Israel; Jonathan was the first born son of King Saul, a prince and heir apparent to the throne of Israel, had David not been chosen by God.

The Bible records in 1 Samuel 18:1 that,

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

From that moment, their friendship began. Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as he loved his own soul. This is my understanding of true friendship or in popular parlance, a best friend.

Today however, things are quite different. That exclusivity in friendship between two people as evidenced during the David-Jonathan era by their covenant (which i must add is not necessary) is mostly gone. A person you consider your best friend may not consider you so. This in itself is no fault of theirs; its just the way it is. Technology has made it possible for businesses to be transacted over the wire; inter-racial and inter-continental dating and friendship have been made possible over the internet.

The implication of this in my estimation is quantity over quality. It is a basic principle of life; the more you have, the less you appreciate or in economic terms, the law of diminishing returns. This is not to say that it is impossible to have many friends and still not have one prized above all others. Of course not!

The problem is where the feeling is not reciprocal. He is your best friend, are you his best friend? What happens when you're not your best friend's best friend? The level of commitment is unequal and this only becomes apparent in times of dire straits. In that moment of truth do we truly realise where we rank in our best friend's priority list.

There's a saying that expecting a lion not to eat you because you do not eat lions is a very faulty assumption. The same can be said when dealing with humans, especially those we consider friends. There's no guarantee in life that you'll be treated the way you treat people - remember Judas Iscariot.

For the man or woman who has a best friend who considers you in equal vein as a best friend, consider yourself lucky and treasure such best friend because they are rare. For the less fortunate, don't feel too bad. Life goes on; just don't let it hamper your capacity to appreciate, love or trust. That you have more friends does not necessarily depreciate the quality of friends you have. The only thing left is to pay more attention to those who you really matter to rather than waste time on people who do not appreciate you as they should.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credit: Google

SOME HAPPINESS...

By Isaac Ihekwoaba.

I sat down in my den, to reflect on life; on the crosses we must bear; on the burdens we carry to our Golgothas. I thought of life pursuits - the desire for glory, and fame, and treasure, and love.

I thought of rich men endowed with all but satisfaction; of kings and nobles with immense powers but lacking in health. I thought of young men and women with no vision of tomorrow; of dreams dashed and hopes crashed.

I thought of the lucky few- those who get to make something out of their lives. I saw the struggling masses, to eke a life out of scorched earth they seek. Everyday a struggle, every hour a challenge I saw hopelessness and anguish and extreme poverty; of denudating and debilitating impoverishment the sight of which is injurious to the soul. I saw despair and resignation to the forces of life as they pummeled dreams into submission, and men became defined and imprisoned by their environment. I saw those who refused to go on, just because the sap is gone, the gut is sapped. (Sometimes the effort needed to start to succeed is so much that we are discouraged. To give up before the start of the journey is disembark before we embark). Life does have something in common with death after all: Life can be cruel. Life kills wills.

As I reflected, this phrase came to me- "some happiness...." I realized that what i desire, what I want is, Some happiness....

It is a momentary interlude from the grind of life. It is a man at the end of a long night who finally sees the sunrise. It is a traveler across sands and dunes who arrives at a coast. Some happiness...... that's what we all desire.

She my friend a fellow traveler told me of her mother who used to use the same phrase. She would say, all I want is Some happiness....This after many failed suicide attempts. For life is one long struggle for many. For yet others, it is one long struggle too much.

Life is a soul journey as we seek what we know not. We pursue fame, and gold, and power, and glory, and wealth, and life. Yet in truth all we seek is Some happiness..... We seek a respite, some love, some reciprocity of affection. We seek those who would truly appreciate us and then those who understand our being, our wants and desires. Unfortunately, our desperation often corrupts these noble passions into lusts.

And when we can’t have what we want, we seek the available that want us. The wife you want, that love you seek, that longing you have, that understanding you crave, that cuddle you desire; the holding of hands, of head on his shoulder in submitted affection in the dark of the movie theater; the stoking of the strands of hair that are not out of place as you caress the flesh of who you hope will be, all these, and many more, is called Some happiness.....

And when we find the fleeting shadows of Some happiness.... how we cling in desperation. We temporarily lose our senses and let down our guards. But soon we begin to see different, and logic and rationalization creep in. We begin to doubt whether the broad shoulders on which the head was placed in the dark of the night, in the black of the movie theater, at the row at the back is Mr. Some happiness..... We question whether it was just a mirage we experienced as our souls traveled the desert desperately in search of an oasis. How many times have we prayed, hoping against hope that that one week old lover is Some happiness.....? How some men desperately wish for the wife to be Mrs. Some happiness.....

In the pursuit of Some happiness...... some have become dangerous and deadly, climbing the corporate ladder with spiked shoes. Some have sold their souls. Some are lizards hugging the ground with their bellies full of pain. We've become who we're not and became who we are.

We keep on seeking, searching, knocking. From one alley to another, we tumble and stumble, and dash our foot against stones. We besot our hearts to the undeserving, we date the unavailable and then the too available we’ve made friends with the imperfect, we've broken hearts and committed mistakes all in search of Some happiness....

I am not sure, if Some happiness....... is sustainable. The very fact that it's called Some happiness....connotes it's transience both in time and form. We can’t hold on to it and it doesn’t last long. Such is the nature of Some happiness.... But we keep on searching anyway, you and I, after all, all we seek is Some happiness....!

The writer is on twitter @isaactez

THE POWER OF A WOMAN

Wouldn't it have been nice if Adam had an iPad? Would have saved us all a lot of trouble.

By Isaac Ihekwoaba

Perhaps the most mysterious being on the face of the earth today is the woman. Complexity meets curvaciousness, deadly meets combustible – you are well advised not to cross a woman.

She may be the weaker sex (not to worry, a man wrote that), but she's the stronger species and they've been dominating this planet since that bloke, Adam took that apple. What was he doing?! Apparently he thought it was just an apple and was probably thinking of apple pie until his story became apple crumble. When you do think about it, that was the beginning of men taking sweet instructions from women and they've been instructing us ever since.

I have tried to deconstruct the woman's psyche but honestly I'm not making much progress. I can't understand women (Show me a man who can!) Imagine the fact that an incomprehensible species has been dominating our world for thousands of years (it's a male world isn't it?) and we are no closer to unraveling her despite all our advances in science. For heavens sake we deconstructed the molecule, split the atom and cloned a sheep and, we can't figure out women?!  

Never argue with a woman. You can't win; and you should stop wasting your time and take a cue from your father. And if a woman hits your car while you are driving or stationary you are guilty, trust me. Many years ago, this woman comes out of the side road, crosses two lanes on the expressway and hit this guy on the third lane far removed; and she accuses him - wait for this - she accuses him of not anticipating her desire to access the expressway from a side road! And you better respect a woman's right to her fundamental right 'woman' right of being the winner though guilty.

The management committee of a company I know is made up of four, with a single male. In a company strong on diversity even that is a disproportionate number. Can you imagine it the other way round? I fear that one day this company would be an all woman team. May God help their competitors. These women are so fearless and hard charging that life sessions was introduced at the company to make them matrimonially pliable.

The world would never be interesting without women. Think of how many businesses will collapse. Gossip magazines definitely won't survive. The size of the gossip economy is about the size of the annual budget of the richest African nation blessed with oil. What is there to write about without the salacious details of a man's entanglement with the beauty queen of the moment? Even Hollywood will collapse!  

History will never be complete without women. Can you imagine how many thrones have been overthrown by women? King Edward VIII absconded from the English throne because he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson, a divorcee. Sacrilege! Why do you think the world fatality is closely associated with women – 'femme fatale'? And can you honestly imagine a world without beauty queens? Who's interested in male fashion? Even women's tennis is becoming more popular than men's tennis. And now there's women's soccer. Come on, that's the last exclusive preserve or men and now they're taking it over.  

Men really are suckers. It's the same formula used on us over and over again and we keep falling for it. Do you honestly believe we marry women? Come on you know they marry us. And then you get on your knees to propose?! You get on your knees! Don't you know what that means? You turn into abject vassals of the ignominy of correspondence affection. And guess who says 'I do' last in a wedding ceremony?  

We ought to rewrite church liturgy on the conjugal union. And one more thing while we are still on this topic of marriage and besotted hearts: when a woman wants you, may God help you.   And how about the topic of sexual harassment? Can a woman sexually harass a man? Imagine pleading that in court as a man. Ha ha ha! Can a woman rape a man? That's an interesting topic for law professors. What do you think?  

Caveat:
NOT FOR FEMININE EYES.
Photo Credits: The internet

The writer is on twitter @isaactez

A GOVERNMENT FOR THE PEOPLE INDEED: OKADA BAN IN PARTS OF BENIN CITY AND WHAT IT PORTENDS

Comrade Adams Oshiomole. Edo State Governor

On Monday 17th of June 2013, low-income residents of Benin City, Edo State began to feel the impact of the ill-advised decision of the Comrade Governor, Adams Oshiomole to ban the use of commercial motorcycles and tricycles popularly known as "okada" and "keke" respectively.

Residents have continued to express dismay at what is considered a betrayal of massive proportions considering the fact that Comrade Oshiomole stated many times over that he never intended to ban the use of this alternative and very convenient means of transport. As they trekked under the blazing sun, nice words about the governor were in abundant scarcity.

The comrade governor made this announcement a week ago after the state Security Council meeting at the Government House in Benin City. He listed Ikpoba Okha, Oredo and Egor LGA's which constitute the Benin Metropolis as the areas to be affected by the ban. The ban came to effect yesterday regardless of several protests against it since the announcement. The comrade governor attributed security challenges and fatality rates of accidents as the reason for the decision to ban the activities of commercial bike riders.

While the concern of the comrade governor is admirable, it is premature as it is illogical. While it is well-known that okada riders have proved to be nuisances on the roads as well as becoming tools to perpetuate crime, the same could be said for motorists. No mention was made of the fact that the deplorable conditions of the road infrastructure contributes massively to the accidents.

Okada riders in the Benin Metropolis.

Going down to criminality, it is quite unfair to point to some okada riders as the cause for the increasing wave of crime. How often to do we hear that robberies or kidnapping are carried out by the use of commercial bikes? Statistics would show that the governor's premise is a very faulty one as cars are just as often involved in accidents and used to perpetuate crime.

The insincerity of this anti-people policy is more glaring when no serious attempt was made to regulate the operation of commercial bike riders with legislation or other form of restraint. This ban is akin to throwing away the bath water along with the baby. Why didn't he come up with this policy before he ran for second term? It is highly hypocritical for the Comrade Governor to attribute this sudden change of heart to the increasing spate of accidents and crime wave when it was an agenda he nursed from the very beginning.

The economic consequences of this policy will have far-reaching effects. It is no news that unemployment in Nigeria is at its zenith while infrastructure, despite taking leaps in recent times, especially in Edo State under the comrade governor's administration, there's still a lot to be done. This ban will affect negatively a high percentage of the commercial riders who have this as their only means of income with no visible alternative. What becomes of their families? How many people can afford to take cabs which are still ridiculously expensive in Benin? Will this policy not bring about an increase in crime rate that it seeks to cure in the first place?

I find it quite inhumane that the poor have to be at the receiving end of every policy or legislation that attempts to sanitize the mess Nigeria has become. The failure of government in its duties has led the masses to improvise in order to survive. Taking that away without providing a viable alternative is heartless to say the least.

This is the norm for politicians in Nigeria who kowtow to the electorate when they seek their votes and afterwards, suddenly become insensitive to their plight. Comrade Adams Oshiomole has joined the long list of governors of Nigerian governors who have bitten the hands that fed them. His betrayal is particularly painful because it was the unflinching support of commercial riders and commoners who rallied together to ensure that his stolen mandate was returned. This is the thanks we get.

It is understood that most times, change is rejected but it is inevitable. No doubt, this ban will sanitize Benin Metropolis but this is a democracy. Alienating the electorate by carrying out unilateral decisions such as these without regard to the untold hardship it will occasion is not right. There was no form of consultation with those to be affected. In fact, they were lulled by a false of security that the comrade governor was of a different stock considering that at a time, he fought on the side of the common man. At the end of the day, all politicians are the same.

A word of caution to all politicians: it is apparent that when politicians enter into public service, they get faced with an entirely different reality as they enjoy the unnecessary trappings of office and inevitably develop amnesia to the reality on ground. Nigerians are suffering! If you will not better the living conditions of the people, do not make it worse.

With Oshiomole's embarrassing antics at the just concluded LG elections and this new policy, he has just alienated further the people who believed and voted him in. This may have dire consequences for the ruling party in Edo State, the Action Congress Nigeria (ACN) in the long run. The hero he was once touted to be has begun to diminish gradually in the eyes of many. He just may live long enough to see himself become the villain.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credits: Google.

GRATITUDE

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder
If you are reading this post today, you are alive and presumably well. You must have a roof over your head; you must have had at least a meal; you must have decent clothes to wear and a reasonable stream of income. If not, how else would you be able to afford that Blackberry device, Apple iPad or that Samsung Galaxy or any other mobile device? You also have a kind of internet subscription that enables you to surf the net and check my blog.
Have you ever wondered for a second how life would be like if you never owned and or couldn't afford any of the things listed above? Yeah, you may have been born into a wealthy home but fortunes change. Don't you consider yourself rather fortunate to be where you are today? Do you know that for you who can not afford any of these but own, a least a torch-light Nokia phone, there's still someone out there your age who has never dreamed of owning a mobile phone?
The essence of the above questions can be encapsulated in a statement: there's always someone who has it worse. No matter how bad your situation is, you have got it better than someone out there. For that reason, we all have a reason to be grateful.
Many times, we get so caught up in the rat race that is life. The race to earn more and acquire as much as we can, not necessarily because we need them but because such acquisitions are some form of social status symbol. When we finally acquire these things, we never get the satisfaction we desire and we move on to other conquests. Acquisition never begets satisfaction; only contentment does. When we fail to acquire these things we grumble and make negative comments.
Have you ever sat down once to consider where you are and for once, be grateful? Firstly, life and good health are the best gifts ever to be had; and they are free! For as long as a man is alive and healthy, there's no telling what he can be tomorrow. Secondly, why is it only right to compare oneself with peers who are successful? How about your unsuccessful peers? An objective analysis of how far you've gone in life is incomplete without assessing both sides of the coin.
Many times, we get so focused on the things we don't have that we forget the things we have. We envy those we consider successful, not considering that they do not see themselves so. We neglect the joys our place in life affords us and complain unnecessarily over the position we are yet to attain. We spend our time expressing bitter emotions because our ingratitude over what we have in life has turned us to bitter people and bitter people are the ultimate pessimists.
Have you said "thank you" for the air you breathe? Have you taken stock of the people in your life without whom your life would have been a lot more difficult? How can you hope to get more out of life when you haven't appreciated the things you consider little. A heart full of gratitude is a happy heart and it moves the forces of nature to work in your favour. Gratitude is the key to true greatness; a key that opens the doors to all possibilities.
Rather than complain about what you don't have, take time out of everyday to be grateful for the good things in your life. Didn't the old song say count and name your blessings? You'll be surprised at just how lucky you are.
Malcolm O. Ifi.

RELATIONSHIPS AND THIRD PARTIES

Hey guys,

Miss me? :)

I'm sorry I've not been able to blog in while. So much has been going on in my life recently that its been tough to keep up. Anyways, I'm here now and that's all that counts really. I have been inundated with questions from my dear readers as to why I haven't continued with the Mickey Jay Memoirs on my other blog at www.saymalcolm.wordpress.com. You know Mickey Jay, don't you? In the event that you don't, then i suggest you visit the above mentioned wordpress site and familiarize yourselves with the exciting sexcapades of Mickey Jay.

Anyway, I've been working on several other projects that will see the light of day soon by God's grace. The Mickey Jay Memoirs will continue soon so please, don't give up on me. I need you all to keep my talent alive. Oh, by the way...i must mention with a certain amount of modest pride that I never knew the Mickey Jay Memoirs had developed such a large following and in recent times, I've been opportuned to meet with some of my readers and I must say that I feel blessed to be connected with all of you. Thanks for the mails, the calls, twitter dms and above all, your words of encouragement. I believe the best is yet to come.

Now that we've cleared that aside, we shall progress with the topic of the day. I was stuck in a very awkward situation quite recently and I thought it would be nice to talk about it. I attended a little get-together which consisted mostly of both married and unmarried couples and a healthy sprinkle of single guys and ladies. In such gatherings, there is the tendency to get intimidated if you are single or your better half is absent with so much open display of affection and love in the air. In such situations, I enjoy observing how various partners show love and affection for each other.

Sadly, there was a particular couple that caught my attention the most. They seemed to be totally immune from the love vibes that surrounded the atmosphere. They kept staring at each other with anger written all over their faces but somehow, I could tell they were crazy about each other. They made several private trips out of the joyous setting and each time they returned, they seemed madder than ever.

I noticed all this with interest so I approached the young man and asked him what the problem was between him and his woman. It turned out to be my greatest mistake of the evening. Before he could respond, madam materialized from nowhere and insisted that she be part of the conversation. When I saw what it was coming to, I tried to withdraw as politely as I could but it was too late. I had unwittingly become the umpire they had been seeking since their argument began.

Well, I'm never one to shy away from offering my services to promote world peace being a trained alternative dispute resolution expert. We moved to a quieter place and when the complaints began, I felt awkward...really awkward because these were issues that I felt should remain within the all sacred realm of privacy (...and no, I'm not going to tell you what the bickering was about! *tongue out*).

To cut the story short, I vehemently refused to take sides which was what they wanted me to do. I plainly told them with this sort of disagreement, they had no business being at the get-together or anywhere else for that matter but their bedrooms until they resolved their issues.

I'm no relationship expert but experience has taught me that you don't wash dirty linens in the full glare of the public or involve third parties for that matter. Being in a relationship or marriage should involve a certain level of maturity that begets commitment as its a very sensitive affair and should be treated as such. Call me crazy or traditional but I'ven ever believed in marriage counseling or therapy - those stuff we see in Hollywood movies. I'm not saying counseling or therapy doesn't work but I feel a person who is deeply committed to his/her partner WON'T rush out to seek counseling from someone who has no idea where you're both from or what you've both have been through to get to where you both are when you can do it yourself.

My opinion is simple; if you're a serious person in a serious relationship, one thing must always be at the back of your mind: no matter what, I'm in this for the long haul. Both parties must work it out except the interest in the relationship has dwindled and the will to rejuvenate it is no longer there, in which case, counseling and therapy is an exercise in futility.

To be in lasting relationship, each party must agree first of all to go all in. Leave no room for doubts or options. With that mindset, when problems arise, you realise you have no choice but to work it out. A very good way to achieve this is to ensure that both parties never to go sleep at night bearing grudges or attend social functions together when there's a stiffness about a previous argument. Always clear the air.

Secondly, communication channels must always be left open no matter how angry you get or no matter how ferocious the argument is. There should be no limit to what you both talk about. Majority of the problems faced in relationships come from lack of or poor communication skills. If you can't communicate with the person you say you love, then you shouldn't be in there in the first place.

Thirdly, its about two of you and just the TWO OF YOU. There should be no room for third parties. No one knows what you guys are all about better than you two. The moment you understand that, there's no problem that you come across relationship-wise you can't handle.

Fourth and final, compromise. Nobody is perfect; you're not, she's not and vice versa. You're both different so you must learn to accommodate each others differences. If what you have is real, arguments and pig-headed opinions are miniscule compared to what you both share. You don't get awards for scoring points against your partner. Both parties must know when to back down or agree to terms that will end in a win-win situation.

Oh...the fourth isn't really the final thing to know. As time unfolds, there'll be more. Have a lovely weekend.
:)

Malcolm O. Ifi.

FOR YOUNG BUSINESSES

Nigeria is a tough country to live in. Its tough to go through 4, 5 or 6 grueling years of academic studies (as the case may be) with the aim of being relevant in your field of study only to be disillusioned by the harsh reality after graduation that there are no jobs out there. Most young men come out of the University totally unprepared for this eventuality and it has led not a few to a life of crime to make ends meet.

However, kudos must be given to those who refuse to tow the line of the multitude of unemployed graduates who decided to join the league of yahoo boys already tarnishing what's left of Nigeria's rotten image. During this very difficult period, we have seen a lot of young people distinguish themselves by making use of their God-given talents to create businesses that have created employment for others.

Starting a business as a young person in Nigeria is difficult and if you've never tried, you'll never know just how mentally challenging, emotionally draining and psychologically exhausting it is with its attendant difficulties; chief among them being raising capital. Regardless of the jingles bandied about, the banking industry is very unfriendly to potential business owners with their constant demand for collateral security and their unbelief in little dreams, and by little dreams, I mean business plans that don't forcast massive turnover on investment. Personally, I don't blame the banks. They deal with other people's money and they are hounded to declare mind-boggling profits to convince investors and shareholders their monies are in safe hands...that's a story for another day.

This capital difficulty has led many young business men and women to engage in what I call Unintentional Advance Fee Fraud or simply put, Unintentional 419. Many times, I have encouraged friends and acquaintances who took the self-employment route by patronizing their wares and services. More often than not, it always ended up in disappointment. I have had to learn the hard way that business and friendship mix as good as oil does in water. In order to preserve old friendships, I do not let them stray to business.

What I got to find out much later is that most times, these young business men and women don't know how to handle the volume of work they get. This automatically turns them deaf to calls after failure to meet deadlines or they suddenly became scarce like jobs themselves as it suddenly turns into a game of hide-and-seek. The guy who called you every second of every day to ensure he got that contract from you or the lady who wouldn't stop stalking you suddenly becomes more inaccessible than the president.

What most don't realise is that at those earlier stages, a good reputation is more important than what money they make from the volume of jobs. The sure way to ensure longevity in business is to have a solid reputation as one who keeps to time and delivers on schedule. If for any forseeable or unforseeable reason, you won't be able to deliver on schedule, call your clients before the deadline to explain why there will be a delay and tender unreserved apologies. Yes, your clients may get mad but you owe them that duty; not just for them but for you and your fledgling business. It is the cardinal principle of customer service.

For young business men and women in the habit of making promises they can't keep and receiving payment for services not yet provided, it is a dance on a very slippery slope. Without a strong business ethic, you may find yourself spending such monies on all things unrelated to the business at hand and that's how it starts. Before you know it, you become a professional dodger hiding from clients or customers. This is Unintentional Advanced Fee Fraud or Unintentional 419, if you may. With that, goes your fledgling business that may have had so great, a potential.

The bottom line is this; you cannot do more than you can. For this reason, you must learn to say "no" or at least, explain how tight your schedule is and how it would prevent you from delivering on schedule. Forget about the money that may escape your hands, and the clients or customers you may miss. The important thing is that those you work for will have a good story to tell about you. Money cannot get you a good reputation but a good reputation can get you loads of money.

Think about it.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

SIR ALEX FERGUSON: AN EPITOME OF SUCCESS

It was something that had been most speculated on for a while. Many wondered when the knight would call it quits with the beautiful game after a life time of achievements. Well, the world of football was agog with excitement on the 8th of May, 2013 and not a few tears were shed when Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson announced to the world that he would be retiring as Manager of Manchester United - a position he held since 1986.

The Scot, 71 who has been at the helm of affairs at Old Trafford for the past 26 years is without doubt, the most successful coach in England and arguably, the world. His career at the Theater of Dreams has fetched him a most impressive haul of 38 trophies which include 13 League Titles, 2 Champions League Crowns, 5 FA Cups and 4 League Cups - a trophy haul that will not be eclipsed by any coach any time soon.

Accolades have continued to flow in commemoration of what is considered as a great loss to the football world. Rarely has the world seen a coach who has remained a relevant shot caller for such a long time. Before Sir Alex took over the club, Manchester United had not won a silver ware in 26 years and it didn't take too long for him to put the club back to winning ways. He injected a highly competitive and professional spirit into the club which transformed Manchester United to one of the biggest clubs in the world.

Happily, the knight may have retired from active participation in the game but the affairs of Manchester United remains close to his heart. He is to become a director and ambassador for the club after his last game as coach against West Brom which will be his 1500th in charge at United. Ferguson will undergo hip surgery in the summer and is confident his successor will take over a club in good health after winning their 20th top-flight title 18 days ago. He stated in his press conference yesterday that it was important to leave the organisation at the strongest possible shape to ensure the long-term future of the club remained a bright right.

It was expected at a time that Sir Alex's closeness with former Chelsea and current Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho meant that he was grooming him for the job, especially as Mourinho had expressed a desire to coach United after Sir Alex retired. However, from all indications, it seems Everton coach and fellow Scot, David Moyes who will be receiving the flaming torch. It is believed that Moyes will blend in perfectly because he understands the club's history and is committed to youth development and would maintain the attractive and attack-minded game United is known for.

Sir Alex Ferguson was born in Glasgow, Scotland in 31 December, 1941. He began his football career as an attacking forward with Queens Park at the age of 16. From there, he moved to St. Johnstone where he was unable to command a regular place and moved again to Dunfermline in 1964 where he became full-time professional footballer. In 1965-1966 season, Ferguson had an amazing 45 goals in 51 goals and was joint top scorer in the Scottish League with 31 goals. He joined Rangers when he left Dunfermline and later moved to Falkirk where his coaching career began when he was promoted to player-coach. He ended his playing career in with Ayr United in 1974 with a total of 107 goals in 370 appearances.

He began his managerial career in 1974 with East Stirlingshire at the age of 32. He gained reputation as a disciplinarian which stuck for the rest of his career. He later moved to St. Mirren where he transformed the team from a lower Second Division team to First Division champions in 1977. He moved to Aberdeen in 1978 and won many silverwares and had his first taste of European victory in the European Cup Winners' Cup where they defeated Real Madrid in the finals in 1983 as well as retaining the Scottish Cup.

He was appointed an Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) in the 1984 honours list and became highly sought after being courted by top clubs in England. He was part of the coaching staff of the Scottish national side that qualified for the 1986 World Cup and had to take charge of the team when the manager Jock Stein suddenly collapsed and died. When Scotland failed to progress past group stages, he stepped down as national team manager. He rejected offers from Rangers, Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspurs and Wolverhampton Wanderers before he took over the reins at Manchester United on 6th November, 1986.

He was knighted by the Queen in June 1999 after the famous treble which included United's first Champions League title. He won his second Champions League title against Chelsea in 2008 and has led United to a record 20 league titles; a feat never to have been achieved by any English club. He has won a total of 49 trophies as a manager, 38 of which were with Manchester United. In 1498 games as manager at Manchester United, he had 894 wins, 337 draws and 267 defeats. He bought a total of 104 players during his stay at Manchester United; the last being Wilfried Zaha, signed from Crystal Palace for fee rising to £15m in January and loaned back to Palace. On the 23rd of November 2012, he was honoured with the unveiling of a statue of him at Old Trafford.

Sir Alex Ferguson is married to Lady Cathy Ferguson and they have three sons; Mark who was in born 1968 and a set of twins Darren; born 1972 and the current manager of Peterborough United and former manager of Preston North End, and Jason who runs an events management company. In 1998, Ferguson was named as one of the biggest financial donors of the Labour Party of which he has been a life-long voter and in January 2011, Graham Stringer, a Labour MP in Manchester and Manchester United supporter, called for Ferguson to be made a life peer. If this happened, it would make Ferguson the first current or former footballer or football manager to sit in the House of Lords. In 2009, Ferguson received a Honorary Doctorate in Business Administration from the Manchester Metropolitan University. It was the second degree received from the university, after receiving a honorary masters in 1998.

The wiley old fox as he is fondly referred to, will be sorely missed at Old Trafford and indeed the English Premiership as one so passionate about the game. It will be a relief to some of his peers who must have been intimidated by his frightful competitiveness and staggering successes which never seemed to age as much as he did. This indeed marks the end of a golden era for Manchester United.

Thank you Sir Alex!

Malcolm O. Ifi.


Photo Credits: The Internet
Info Credits: Wikipedia