OF WEDDINGS AND MARRIAGE IN TODAY'S NIGERIA

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24.

The injunction of marriage is a sacred one and for avoidance of ambiguity, marriage is the matrimonial union between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others. Marriage is the ordained tool for procreation and also, a status symbol. More importantly, it comes with the assurance of God's blessing.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18: 22.

It is therefore surprising that with all the blessings promised, a lot of eligible young bachelors are single. Why is that? I've been hounded in recent times by my elders as to why I'm still unmarried. Someone once said to me, "You're old enough. I don't see what you are waiting for." Of course, you won't see what I'm waiting for because you obviously can't see through my eyes. Truth is, as a teen, I always thought that I'd be married before 25. I have never fancied having my first child by age 30. After all, my dad had his first child in his early 20's. Sadly, that is the reality for many young men today. What changed?

After pondering deeply on the subject, I conclude that our parents had it easy. In the old days, life was simple and even more so for those who got an education. An education to secondary or tertiary level guaranteed you an instant job with attractive trappings. Today, a BSc, a Master Degree and even a doctorate is hardly enough guarantee. The economy of Nigeria today is so crippled that it has been unable to provide employment for the ever increasing mass of graduates churned out of our schools every year. Do you expect a man who has no job to take on a wife? That is courting calamity.

Secondly, whilst our elders had women from Earth, ours are from Mars. Let me explain: Many of our dads started with a bicycle, moved to a motorcycle and graduated to a car finally; a Volkswagen beetle first, then a Peugeot 504. This progress was slow and steady but it was not the focus. All that mattered at the time was potential. Their wives, our mothers, (God bless them!) are super women juggling the roles of motherhood, career women, home keepers and exceptional cooks. 

Today, a lot has changed. Many young ladies are not patient enough to be with the guy who has potential. They'd rather have a guy who drives a Range Rover Sport, can afford "Brazilian hair", take them out overseas for shopping and the like, even though they can't really tell the source of his wealth. There was a time when women used to be bothered about that. 

However, it is amazing too that for these new generation women who demand so much, they have so little to offer. There has been a steady decline in appreciable wifely skills. I have a friend who had hoped that marriage would free him from the shackles of Indomie, the bachelor's best friend but alas, how wrong he was! The girlfriend that refused to cook for him till he married her now cooks Indomie for lunch and they still eat out a lot! I was talking to a young lady recently who told me she couldn't marry a man who couldn't afford to hire a maid. Not only was she not ashamed of the fact that she had no culinary skills, she was brazen enough to say it out loud. Some of them get lucky, and get a man who marries them and hires a maid and impregnates them both! 

I was at a friend's wedding recently where he attempted something new: after his bride had done the bouquet throwing, he ordered us, the "unrepentant bachelors" out and told us he would be throwing his bow tie for us to catch. Apparently, the "bouquet throwing myth" is something highly regarded. You should have seen how we all dodged the tie! The best man was our saviour on the day. One of the guests, an elderly man, remarked that "these young men of nowadays are afraid of responsibility". That is hardly the truth. I'm of the view that the cost of maintaining a girlfriend today is much more than the cost of maintaining a wife as was applicable in their era. The emphasis on materialism has taken a new dimension that they will never understand.

Which brings me to my personal favorite; the wedding ceremony. Today, it would seem the wedding ceremony has become more important than the union. I have attended numerous weddings and as a guy hoping to get married soon, I make enquiries. The expenses involved is enough to make one consider a celibate oath. I have never really understood the need for so much fanfare for such a solemn ceremony especially as divorces have become quite rampant. People spend ridiculous amounts for a wedding to impress the world who really don't give two about how you survive afterwards and start off a married life neck-deep in debt. Is it really worth it at the end of the day? And you wonder why the grooms hardly ever smile.

In more civilized climes, the marriage ceremony is a solemn affair which involves a few family members, friends and associates, not an entire village or clan of hungry people who don't give a damn about anything but "Item 7". Why will a groom spend more than he can afford and more than is necessary to impress his guests or his wife's family? That's tantamount to deception, if you ask me. A potent recipe for failed marriages. 

Most times, potential wives don't make it easy. They want fancy and classy weddings, complete with a horse and carriage if possible to show off to their friends that they have finally "arrived". I feel sorry for men who allow themselves to cajoled into weddings they can barely afford because after all said and done, none of your "well-wishers" will stand by you when the creditors come calling. In fact, they will be the first to laugh at you for being unable to take care of your wife. 

The old saying, "cut your clothes according to your size" is irrelevant in today's world. "Cut your coat according to your cloth" is a more realistic view. That said, for those who can afford a massive wedding ceremony, by all means, spend that cheddar without looking back. The ceremony ought to be a memorable one and if you feel money will make it so, spend money. For the not so buoyant or financially prudent, I see nothing wrong with a quiet court wedding and a small but classy reception for less than a hundred guests. Makes more sense to me.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Engage on twitter @saymalcolm 

Photo Credits: The Internet.