OFFICE DATING COMMANDMENTS (FOR MEN)

Rap today sounds pretty much the same these days with the mundane recycling of lyrics. Only few still keep it real in the game and amongst the chosen few is the hip hop messiah called Duno.

Just when we thought we had heard the best of his special delivery on the most unconventional rap topics many rappers wouldn't dare touch like he did on the amazing single "Define Sex", he comes out with a hot new single titled "Office Dating Commandments(for men)".

In this song, the Benin-born rapper once again astounds us all with his amazing intellect laced with hilarious metaphors and such unique delivery you will never find anywhere else as he guides us through the pitfalls of office dating relationships. You want to learn not a few tricks about office dating? Download and listen to the hot new single; its the best place to start!

Happy listening!

YOUTUBE LINK - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bWTdd4YAs&feature=youtu.be

HULKSHARE LINK (AUDIO) - http://old.hulkshare.com/7kxuumfnk64g

VIDEO DOWNLOAD LINK - http://www1.datafilehost.com/d/3ae5d775

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Gold-Plated iPhones: Is Nigeria Run By Humans?

As I write this article with Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti's Army Arrangement playing in the background, I feel the visionary maestro turning in his grave at the current happenings in Nigeria. The only word that sufficiently captures how I feel right now is rage. You should feel it too if you knew the cause of my rage.

There was chatter this morning about iPhones on social media but I didn't bother to investigate as I was very busy. However, the news came to me during lunch time and when it did, I can swear that my heart stopped for at least 5 seconds!

Here is a country grappling with man-made problems that threaten her very existence. The north has been ravaged for over two years with serious insurgency problems; we have witnessed heights of unemployment previously unknown; ASUU has embarked on what could probably be its longest strike yet in a bid to force the FG honour an agreement it signed with it over a decade ago, which is going on its third month yet the priority of this administration is iPhones!

The list of problems bedeviling Nigeria under the current administration can be represented by a number a whole lot larger than Metuselah's age but in the usual utter disregard of what's important, many Nigerians are still reeling from the shock after a foreign newspaper reported that the Nigerian Government have placed order for 53 gold-plated Apple iPhones engraved with the coat of arms, a shield and two horses worth N689m to commemorate Nigeria's 53rd Independence Day celebration!

Pray tell, Mr. President, what independence are we celebrating when the nation is in bondage? Bondage to corruption, insurgency, dilapidated infrastructure, a fatally-afflicted educational sector, a crippled health sector, the list goes on and on. Yet, a government that has refused to honour its agreement with ASUU, claiming it would shut the economy down can afford to go on splurge to buy 53 gold-plated iPhones with hundreds of millions, build a Centenary City for the FCT to celebrate the 1914 amalgam of Northern and Southern Protectorates with billions when existing cities can't boast of functional infrastructure, spend billions to maintain a wasteful fleet of private jets, contract our territorial waters security to militants to mention a few. If ASUU never had a reason to strike until their demands are met, they have one now. This is a fight that must be fought to finish.

It breaks my heart that these men in authority, our so-called rulers are not straight or measuring up and have hearts as black as endless pits. Their souls are evil as evil itself. How these oligarchs can, in the face of all Nigerians go through on a daily as result of visionless leadership, make such decisions without the fear of God or anything close to it continues to baffle me. It completely stupifies me that these acts continue over and over again, each worse than the former without fear of any form of consequence.

We the downtrodden, have contributed in empowering the political class to continually shit on our faces, taking it with a smile. In the eternal words of Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti, "suffering and smiling". We have given them the license to treat us as slaves because we have refused to open our eyes to realise our worth. We have refused to see that we have the power. We have adjusted to and are content with to live with the current culture of abuse.

I resigned a long time ago that the Nigeria of today is not yet ready for change. We have watched with folded arms as Nigeria became a theater of the absurd with each stupid and reckless government policy surpassing the other even though we thought it not humanly possible. We have the mind of a great mob - we don't think. Its easy to whip up sentiments and send us all on a wild goose chase with a catchy phrase and after we have expended our energies, a new distraction is put in place and in no time, we forget all that is really important.

With the current crisis going on in PDP, it has been my most fervent prayer that majority of Nigerians will snap out of their hypnosis and realise what a hydra-headed demon PDP is and for once, work to install a suitable replacement. Even with the massive political awareness because of social media, there's still a long way to go. As Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon said, "...2015 is inherently laden with a political thalidomide...". I'm inclined to agree, except we rise up and make concerted, co-ordinated and sustained efforts to ensure that sanity returns.

Enough is enough!

Malcolm O. Ifi.

THE EFFICACY OF TALENTS

"And unto one he gave five talents..."

See Matthew 25: 14 - 30

I was watching a documentary about Christopher Wallace a.k.a. Notorious B. I. G. yesterday and despite being a die-hard Tupac Shakur fan, I came to the realization that in the senseless feud that raged between both rap icons which ultimately claimed both their lives, Tupac was the antagonist.

That's by the wayside.

What struck me however was how both uncommonly talented rappers in the rap game wielded so much power that they were able to influence with ease, hip hop culture and stir up emotions of love, adoration and hate. There was hardly any hip hop head who wasn't forced to take sides. I chose Tupac.

That is the power of a well-developed talent.

A talent is simply a special natural ability or skill inherent in every human.

Growing up, my skills inclined towards the arts. The talent that stood out then was my drawing skill and it was so obvious because I was a comic book addict. I still am.

However, it was heavily frowned upon by my father. In the way he saw the world at that time, art would lead me nowhere. The norm was to study a professional course and get a government job, and being an obedient child most of the time, I succumbed.

This myopic world view eventually led to the gradual demise of my interest in drawing; something I regret deeply everyday. True, there was no encouragement but the greatest mistake I made was to AGREE to follow the norm as I was indoctrinated.

I pursued my academics with fervor believing that I would at the end of the day, get a civil service job just like my father. My talent became a stranger as the economics of the nation spiraled downward, making certain expectations a mirage but I kept on going.

Fortunately, I found another way. I still draw but my tools are different. I no longer use pencils and paint; I use words.

Today, there are many youths out there who went through the same experience I did. We were taught to put all our eggs in one basket. We were made to hope for jobs instead of creating jobs. This orientation choked our creativity and stunted our growth as individuals and as a nation.

With our laid-back attitude, we missed the formula for progress on an individual basis; Talent + Passion = Success.

Today, capitalism has proved to be the recipe for vibrant economic development. It is deep-rooted in the entrepreneurship spirit that unfortunately, did not form part of our education while growing up.

In developed countries, emphasis is given to creative and entrepreneural development as well as qualitative education, matched with hands on experience. These ingredients could not help but lead to increased competence and healthy competition that aided economic productivity and growth.  

In Nigeria, we lost focus as emphasis was placed on worthless piece of papers called certificates which invariably led to lazy brains and hands. This ailment slowly crept into minds and lives of many and today, the resultant effects are staggering.

As Nigeria sluggishly and laboriously shifts in the direction capitalism, it is pertinent to emphasize the need to desensitize and re-orient our mentality, especially that of the young and up-coming generations from parasitic expectations to symbiotic realities.

Every person must make it a personal mission to discover, nurture and develop their in-born talents. We must bring back our creativity from the dusty attic, oil them and shift to hyper drive. No matter how much talents may be similar or vary, they are our contributions which are key to our development.

You want to make a difference in this world, develop your talent. Talents are not to be wasted; they are means to advancing humanity and specifically, the black race which is lagging behind in the world today in all respects.  

Imagine a world where Michael Jackson was a lawyer, where Tupac was a doctor and Christoper Wallace, an engineer. They would have come and gone the same way many lawyers, doctors, engineers and other professionals have come and gone without leaving their footprints in the sands of time.

How many talents were you given? Will you be like the foolish servant who went and hid his in the earth? Do you remember what became his lot when his master returned?

Let us be wise. Africa has been given talents. You have been given at least, a talent. What are you doing with it? The change you seek will not come if we don't make use of that which lies within us.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

MISTAKES ARE GOOD. MAKE ONE TODAY!

Hehehehe...I got your attention, didn't I? Of course I did. However, I must inform you that the intent of today's topic is not to merely get your attention like those other attention-grabbing headlines you see on other blogs or newspapers.

This should get your attention because of the inherent paradox but going further, you realise that your attention is being drawn to the truth. The topical assertion above is nothing short of the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  

What are mistakes then, you may wonder? A mistake is simply an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. It is an error or fault resulting in defective judgment, deficient knowledge or carelessness.  

From the above definition, I must issue out a disclaimer; mistakes are only good for people who DECIDE to make it good for them. The conscious choice or decision to move forward as a much wiser person in that specific erroneous regard is what makes all the difference.

In other words, I'm talking of those who don't just stay focused on the immediate consequences of their mistakes but focus on the useful lessons learned which hold the key to achieving the desired results after subsequent tries.

Take for instance Thomas Alva Edison, the American inventor. After several failed attempts at inventing the electric light bulb, he was asked what he thought about his failure to create a light bulb, he said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." He went on to create the electric light bulb.  

Mistakes are a very necessary part of an active existence. A person who has never made a mistake has never done anything and has never learned anything. For this reason, you should never be shy or scared about making a mistake. A friend of mine once told me, "You never lose money; you buy lessons." Lessons learned from mistakes that costs you something dear are those that stick.  

Every mistake should be a voyage of discovery. Mistakes can be embarrassing but its better to suffer the embarrassment that comes from mistakes than suffer the consequence of sustained ignorance borne out of the fear of making mistakes.  

You must configure your mind-set to shed all fear of mistakes, though costly they may be. Never let the fear of making a mistake keep you from taking that step. Do your homework, venture into that which you seek to do and take lessons from whatever mistakes you make and venture into it again and again(persistence is key), armed with the experience and knowledge gathered from previous mistakes.  

There's nothing you can't do if you set your heart to it. Just appreciate your mistakes for what they are; learning the hard way and most times, learning the hard way is the best way. So go ahead and make that mistake...and be sure to learn from it! :)

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credits: The Simpsons

#CHILDNOTBRIDE CAMPAIGN: MISGUIDED OR MISUNDERSTOOD?

This is just ridiculous!

The social media was agog with so much frenzy when news of what transpired in the Senate in the past week hit the media streets. I have received not less than 50 broadcasts on bbm from people claiming to be massively involved in the fight against the passage of a bill to legalize under-age marriage. I was shocked when I read most of these broadcasts and was greatly depressed because I realized that majority of us Nigerians are an ignorant lot!

If people spent half the time they do reading newspapers, listening to the news on the radio and watching news on TV or actually visiting google more often for current news headlines rather than reading gossip columns like Linda Ikeji's blog and other gossip media, they would be more informed. For Linda Ikeji's teeming fans, this is not a swipe at Linda Ikeji but a swipe at those of you who take her stories as the gospel truth. Y'all need to learn the difference between gossip and fact!

Contrary to what many people think as regards the issue, there wasn't an actual bill to legalize under-age marriage. What happened was during the on-going constitutional amendment carried on by the National Assembly, with specific regard to Section 29 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, the Senate Committee sought to amend the subsection stated copiously below.

Section 29 (1) provides thus;

"Any citizen of Nigeria of full age who wishes to renounce his Nigerian citizenship shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation"

Section 29 (4) further states thus;

"For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section
(a) "Full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) Any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age." (Emphasis mine).

A probable but unwise interpretation of this subsection is that a girl who gets married at the age of 13 or less is of full age and can decide to change her citizenship regardless of her mental capacity. This was the bone of contention for the Senate Committee. The Senate Committee was of the opinion that the provision should be expunged because of this perceived ambiguity. This is where the problem started.

Senator Ahmed Yerima whom we all know as a "staunch" defender of Sharia Law swung into action saying that the section was against the tenets of Islam. I am no expert in Islamic affairs, but this in my opinion however, was no defense of Islam but the defense of his lecherous whims especially in the light of his condemnable marriage to a 13 year old Egyptian girl in 2009. His view is that once a girl is married, she has full mental capacity to renounce her citizenship and understand the implication thereof.

This, my friends, is a shitload of bollocks! I'll tell you why.

In all the hue and cry that followed, we all forgot something - and this is often the case when religion and emotions get involved in arguments - we skip the salient points. The subsection said "woman" and not "girl". The wording of the sub-section is clear and unambiguous. Except "Hon"Yerima and the other Senators who missed this are trying to tell me that the word "woman" is a synonym for "girl", what's all the fuss about?

For the "unlearned", any question of statutory interpretation begins with looking at the plain language of the statute to discover its original intent. To discover a statute's original intent, courts first look to the words of the statute and apply their usual and ordinary meanings. Only when that fails, can we deem such a statute to be ambiguous before recourse can be had to the intent of the legislature when making the law or other methods of statutory interpretation.

Amazingly, Ahmed Yerima gathered a few followers with his warped sense of logic and when it came up for a second vote, though the majority of senators voted that the subsection be expunged, they couldn't get the required two-thirds majority to expunge as provided for by Section 9(2) of the constitution which states thus;

Section 9(2)  “An Act of the National Assembly for the alteration of this Constitution… shall not be passed in either House of the National Assembly unless the proposal is supported by the votes of not less than two-thirds majority of all the members of that House and approved by resolution of the Houses of Assembly of not less than two-thirds of all the states.”

Therefore, in this regard, the majority of the Senate only failed to expunge the subsection because of the requirement of the above mentioned Section 9(2) which basically gave Yerima and his cohorts the power to hold the rest of the Senate to ransom. However, this attempt to expunge the subsection, though noble is misguided and highly unnecessary.

That being said, The Child Rights Act was passed into law in 2003 and Section 277 defines a child as anyone below 18 years of age. Also, Sections 21 and 22 of the Act effectively criminalizes child marriage and betrothal in Nigeria. What needs to be done is to push for The Child Rights Act to be domesticated in every one of the 36 states in Nigeria.

As at today, 12 states are yet to domesticate The Child Act and apart from Enugu State, the rest of them are states from the North. This in my opinion, is a deliberate ploy to undermine the efficacy of the Act.

Furthermore, any court that makes the mistake of towing the line of the thoughts of our obviously "unlearned" senators who sought to expunge the Section 29(4)(b) of the Constitution poses a serious threat to the applicability and enforceability to the Act as all enacted laws that are inconsistent with the constitution are void to the extent of their inconsistency because the Constitution is the grund norm of the nation and is supreme to any other law enacted. 

 Section 1(1) provides, “This Constitution and its provisions shall have binding force on all authorities and persons throughout the Federal Republic of Nigeria”.

In addition to this, Section 1(3) provides, “If any other law is inconsistent with the provisions of this Constitution, this Constitution shall prevail and that other law shall to the extent of the inconsistency be void."

For avid social media users, please be selective in the information that you consume and take as fact.

This is my two kobo on the issue.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

TRAFFIC ENFORCERS OR LEGITIMATE NUISANCES

There has been a very disturbing trend in state governance in recent times, especially in states who have adopted the pattern of aggressive revenue generation. Aggressive revenue generation in itself is not a bad thing; especially when it translates into infrastructural development.
However, what smears the whole process is the use of unbridled and unhinged touts to achieve the goal of aggressive taxation. The practice began with the Babatunde Raji Fashola administration. A stranger who drives into Lagos for the first is very likely to get snagged by one of the numerous touts wearing uniforms. From Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LASTMA) to Anti-One Way, Zero Tolerance, Kick Against Indiscipline (KAI) and all other sorts of traffic enforcers, it is incontestable that some level of sanity has returned on our roads. The fear of hefty fines or car impounds has proved to be a deterrent to many erstwhile reckless motorists. However, tales abound of how these road traffic enforcers have converted their the legitimate offices into tools of extortion and in some cases, they have become probable causes of accidents on our roads. I have heard several stories of how the activities of certain over-zealous officials, LASTMA especially have been the cause of some very bad accidents which claimed lives. In Benin, following the foot steps of the ACN class captain, the comrade governor Adams Oshiomole introduced something similar; Edo State Traffic Management Authority (EDSTMA) they are called. There's no doubt that some sanity has returned to the roads too but my particular concern is the those who constitute these road traffic authorities. I was moved to write this at the behest of a doctor friend who experienced first hand, the extortionist ring these uniformed touts have become in Benin and everywhere they have sprang up so far. Here's his story: "I was driving around King's Square, very close to the House of Assembly last friday at about 4pm when a uniformed man jumped into my car and said, "Bros, drop something." "For what?" I asked, still shocked from the intrusion into my private space. I thought I was being robbed. The uniform he wore calmed me down sort of. "I am taking you to the office for forming double lane." He said. "How?" I asked, bamboozled. There was a terrible hold-up in progress as is often the case by this time of the day at Kings Square. I was firmly locked in between two cars on the right lane. My insistence generated an argument which attracted several of his colleagues. We both got out of the car and passersby and other motorists saw the situation and told these men I had done no wrong but all to no avail. My car key was seized and I was taken to their office and given a ticket which read "Illegal Parking" with an absurd fine of N23000!

I made some calls and met some UNIBEN old boys who worked at the office of the Ministry of Works where I was taken to. They intervened and the "ransom" was reduced to N8000. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to pay that ridiculous sum over trumped up accusations! Well, I did and got into my car and drove off straight to James Watt Road to buy tyres only to discover I had been robbed of my jack!

Once extorted and robbed, you kind of have the antidote or you become immune because you discover you know some people in the office to call next time. However, it is wrong and should stop so I want us to work together to put this menace under control. Thank you." I am very sure that after reading about his ordeal at the hand of these uniformed rogues, many of you have had similar experiences or even worse. It is sad that with Nigeria, there's always a loophole to exploit any installed measure to instill sanity in all works of life. Suggestions are welcome on how to curb the illegal activities of these uniformed nuisances. Malcolm O. Ifi.

RIVERS STATE HOUSE OF ASSEMBLY: A SHOW OF SHAME

Wonders they say shall never end. This couldn't be truer under the Nigerian political set-up. I had deliberately decided to stop writing anything with political undertones. Each time I put out an article out there complaining about something absurd in our political space, something new always seemed to come up to stun me and indeed millions of other Nigerians.

Makes me wonder if there's actually a monitoring spirit somewhere that eagerly waits for when Nigerians say "It can't get worse than this" or "Nothing about this country can ever surprise me again".

BOOOM!! Always wrong!

I am referring to the embarrassing mayhem that engulfed the Rivers State House of Assembly on the 9th of July which was spurred on by the audaciously stupendous move by five rogue legislators to impeach the current Speaker of the house without regard to due process.  

The genesis of all this is believed to be the festering differences between the Rivers State governor Rotimi Amaechi; and the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, his wife Patience and the Minister of State for Education, Chief Nyesom Wike, who is the principal figure in a plot to undermine the authority of the governor of Rivers State who is seen to be a potential threat to President Jonathan's second term candidacy.  

The long and drawn out battle has also seen the deeply troubled PDP attempt all manner of absurdities to remove Amaechi as the chairman of the Nigerian Governors Forum despite a free and fair election in which he defeated Plateau State governor Jonah Jang clearly who is considered Mr. President's candidate.

Unfortunately, Mr. President has decided to keep mum on the subject rather than make a definitive statement, preferring to send his errand boys out to issue out vague statements as regards the crisis. This new crisis is the Rivers State House of Assembly could very well be the fallout of the President's visit to the state last week.

It is understood that the rogue five led by Evans Bipi, a former aide to the first lady and now a PDP legislator representing Ogu/Bolo constituency in River State stormed the premises with thugs who dislodged the sitting legislators, commenced impeachment proceedings against the current speaker, Otelemaba Amachree and illegally elected Evans Bipi as his replacement.  

However, the video that went viral yesterday is the response by another lawmaker, Chidi Lloyd who is believed to be one of Governor Rotimi Amaechi's loyalists. The video is one of the most blood-thirsty displays of violence and rascality I have ever seen, second only to the Aluu killings that happened last year.  

The "honourable" member clad in white caftan and red cap was seen clobbering one of the rogue five - his colleague, senselessly with the mace until it broke. Even when blood was spilled, he continued with his ferocious attack. It will be very difficult to make me believe that Mr. Chidi Lloyd has not taken a human life before. He displayed such murderous intent and seemed to be quite at home with blood and violence. Such a man has no business making laws for human beings. He should be in the company of wild animals; canivores specifically. If a lawmaker cannot go through the proper channels of seeking redress, who will?!  

Another clip showed an officer of the police force brutalizing a sitting member...in fact, I was at loss for words when I viewed the video for the first time. It is the height of crass irresponsibility for a sitting legislator to behave in such rascal manner akin to motor park touts and university cultists. Not an iota of decorum! As for the role of that police man, I have no words to describe just how stupid that was. I sincerely hope he gets summarily dismissed from the force and has criminal proceedings instituted against him for good measure because apparently, he has not an idea of what his job as law officer entails.  

As I watched the video, what crossed my mind was how such despicable characters got elected into the state legislature in the first place. Are things so bad that we now have barbarians sitting in hallowed law-making chambers with the fate of people in their hands? One would expect that Evan Bipi would know that a quorum is required to carry out an impeachment proceeding. Is it that he didn't know this or knew but believed himself to be above the law because he had presidential backing?  

Download, watch and be amazed! http://bit.ly/1ab5bBk

Image credit: Unknown