COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS AND SOME EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUES

Communication is the key to all human interactions. It is derived from the latin word "communis" which means to share. Thus, we can say communication is the means by which information, ideas are shared or exchanged from one person to another. It could be verbal or non-verbal. The process of communication involves three elements; the sender, the message and the recipient.

The importance of communication can never be over-emphasized because effective communication is the major reason for the giant strides man has taken in the world today. We can see just how important communication is when we cast our mind to the Biblical story of the Tower of Babel. Where there is improper or no communication, misunderstandings are bound to arise.

In today's world, effective communication is the mother of all successes. In human relationships, one of the root causes of conflict is embedded in communication problems. Lack of or poor communication leads to a break in the chain of understanding.

In order to communicate effectively, it is important to understand that even the simplest of messages or information can be misunderstood. This could be as a result of the following;

Context: The inability to use certain words in their proper context almost always leads to misunderstanding. This most common with English language where a word has multiple uses and could mean different things at different times.

Orientation: Most times, our past experiences and cultural bias plays a big role in how we interpret messages. Two totally different people may react to the same message quite differently because they think differently.

Focus: To under the message being conveyed, the focus of the listener must be on the person communicating. Causes of lack of focus on the communicator are usually but not limited to complex problems. They alter the message being conveyed in the ears of the listener.

Perception: Our preconcieved attitudes impair our ability to listen properly. If a speaker gives a likable appearance that is confident, friendly and articulates properly, chances are he holds the focus of his recipients and communicates effectively.

Stress: What we understand is influenced a lot by our psychological state of mind at the point of reception. A stressed out person is more likely to misinterpret a message because of the pressure which is known to alter the mental state and impair the ability to understand.

More importantly, communication is also non-verbal; this manifests via eye contact, body motions, tonal undulations and general body language. The most accurate way to understand the passage of information is a combination of verbal and non-verbal means of communication.

The best way to interpret messages accurately is to listen ACTIVELY. Hearing and listening are quite different. Hearing is the involuntary perception of sound. Listening is a conscious activity that involves not just hearing but decoding sounds into meaning. Listening requires interest, listening for a purpose. To avoid the pitfalls that come with communication problems, it is best to acquire certain traits;

- Listen more, talk less.
- Do not interrupt unnecessarily.
- Be aware of biases. Everyone has one. Make conscious effort to control yours.
- Do not day dream or become preoccupied with your own thoughts.
- Do not answer questions with questions. Its so easy to get lost from there.
- Do not dominate conversations. People who do hardly learn anything new.
- Respond after others have spoken, not while they speak.
- Focus on what they say and not what interests them.
- Make a summary of salient points. It always gives a broader view. Make notes if necessary.

Cheers!

Malcolm O. Ifi.

I am @saymalcolm on twitter.

THE RISE OF THE GERMAN MACHINES: THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ERA?

This has certainly been one of the most scintillating Champion League weeks ever. More so, as we are at the most sensitive of stages at the European competition - the semi-final knock outs. Without doubt, these last four teams have been the best teams so far in this competition which is heading toward an unbelievable conclusion.

Enter Barcelona at the Allianz Arena. This class which is composed of the cream of the Euro and World Cup winning Spanish national team and probably the greatest footballer to ever have graced the game have arguably been the best team in the world in the past four years, winning the UCL at least three times in the last ten years.

Enter their hosts, Bayern Munich who have shown quality over the years but haven't seemed to have the luck. Since their painful loss to Manchester United at the Nou Camp in the 1999, they won it in 2001 at the San Siro in Milan and have featured prominently in four more finals since then, the last being against Chelsea last year. The team has been under massive construction with the influx of the new generation of young German players who are highly touted to be the next world champions in football.

Both sides went into the game with full fire power with the blessed triumvirate of Xavi, Iniesta and Messi having being spectacular all season despite taking a few knocks and the German side having the prolific Mario Gomez who has been in good form, scoring 15 goals in his last 14 UCL appearances at the Allianz Arena. However, most people expected Bayern to perform well but still come short behind Barcelona. What nobody expected was the severe thrashing they meted out to the Blaugrana.

A disappointed Messi and Iniesta

It began with a bit of a controversy as Gerard Pique escaped handing a penalty to the hosts. However, it didn't stop Thomas Muller from getting a sumptuous header that put the Bavarians ahead. Prolific Mario Gomez added a second in the 49th minute with text book finishing. With a comfortable two-goal lead, they pressed on, not conceding possession to the Blaugrana in the back line and soon enough, Arjen Robben scored a beauty assisted by Muller with a controversial body check before Muller sealed a historical win when he added his second of the night.

Barcelona's chances of turning this around are slim as no team has ever lost the first leg of a Champions League/European Cup tie by four goals and progressed to the next round. While it would do no good to write Barcelona off totally, the odds to progress to the finals are heavily against them.

Just when we thought we had seen it all, enter Real Madrid at the Signal-Iduna-Park. The Blancos have been in spectacular form all season after getting the upper hand against their nemesis, despite losing the La Liga title to them; thanks to the tactical soundness of the special one, Jose Mourinho and the superb performance of talisman Cristiano Ronaldo, as well a better-bonded team. The Blancos went into the game with just a win in their last 7 semi-final away fixtures and one win in 24 away games in Germany in European competitions. The stats definitely didn't favour them but somehow, most expected the Spanish to dominate.

However, that was not to be as Borussia Dortmund seemed bent on exacting the same pummeling their fellow compatriots displayed on Tuesday. It was a game where we all expected to see Ronaldo at his best and he didn't disappoint but a certain Pole stole the show. Robert Lewandowski was on target in the 8th minute after sustained pressure on the Blancos as they struggled to find their footing in the game. As the game progressed, Madrid got a hand of the game but never really looked too dangerous except from set pieces.

Madrid got back in the game via a beautiful counter seized on by Gonzalo Higuain who laid up a beautiful pass for Ronaldo to score a confident goal 12th UCL goal in 11 appearances to level things just before half-time. Unfortunately, Dortmund didn't seem to be shaken by the equalizer as they started the second half with Lewandowski again punishing the Madrid defense in what many considered to be an off-side goal. The Pole was unrelentless as he took advantage of a shot that took a deflection and fell perfectly for him and with such skill and calm, he executed a perfect finish, hanging the ball at the roof of the net to seal his hat-trick; the first player to ever do so against Real Madrid in UCL history.

The Pole wasn't done. When an unnecessary shove from Xabi Alonso led to a penalty, it was Lewandowski again who stepped up and blasted through an unfortunate Lopez who had been spectacular, scoring his fourth of the evening. This is the first time in Champions League history that two teams have conceded four goals in one game in a set of semi-finals. However, Madrid have better hopes than their Spanish counterparts with an away goal in their bag.

The odds seem to favour an all German final rather than the El Classico we all had anticipated earlier. Could this be the end of the Spanish dominance, and the beginning of the domination of the German Machines in club football? The German Machines were most impressive at the last World Cup with so much potential for future domination which may have already begun in earnest. All indications point in that direction but only time will tell.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

Photo Credits: The Internet

HISTORY: MADE IN OLD TRAFFORD...AGAIN!

It was an amazing night of celebrations for every Manchester United fan world over as they sealed off an emphatic 3-0 win at Old Trafford against a hapless Aston Villa side that was simply no match for the rampaging red devils. However, no player deserved the crown for the EPL more than Dutch international Robin VanPersie. The ex-Arsenal talisman who joined the Theater of Dreams last year has been nothing short of sensational and extremely instrumental to Manchester United's successful bid to unseat her wealthy but noisy neighbours on the blue side of town.

It was the acute sharpness of the Dutchman that opened the score sheet as early as in the 83rd second of the game. This was followed by a thunderous volley in the 13th minute via a sumptuous long pass from Wayne Rooney which the Dutchman dispatched in typical fashion. By the 33rd minute, Robin VanPersie netted a third when veteran Ryan Giggs found him in the box, getting his second hat-trick of the season and taking his impressive haul of goals to 23. The celebrations erupted almost immediately. Robin VanPersie who wears the No. 20 shirt is without doubt the arrowhead whose over 20 goals handed United a 20th League Title. He has now scored five Premier League hat-tricks, elevating him to the same pedestal that holds the names of Andy Cole, Dimitar Berbatov, Ian Wright and Ruud VanNisterooy.

It is quite an injustice to consider the fact that a player of such pedigree is getting his first League Title after a stellar career in England. Since January 1st 2011, the Dutch striker has scored an astounding 72 goals in 89 League appearances. Last night, he joined the league of players who left the Emirates in search of greener pastures and immediately struck gold.

What better way to silence the critics and fanatics who heavily criticised the top striker for his controversial £22.5million departure when United face Arsenal at the Emirates on Sunday, the 28th of April. Its is quite likely that Robin VanPersie and the rest of the United team will get a hero's welcome as a corridor of applause better known as a guard of honour will be formed by his former team mates when he appears at the Emirate Stadium for the first time since his departure.

This would definitely prove to be most embarrassing for many Gunner fans who wrongly predicted that he would amount to nothing at the Theater of Dreams. They failed to realise that dreams do come true at the Theater of Dreams, especially when its in the voice of a little boy speaking from the heart. How's that for poetic justice?

I celebrate with all Manchester United fans all over the world on our 20th League Title. A roller coaster season it was. Title 21 looms on the horizon...

We are United!

PS: Veteran Ryan Giggs has now won the English Premiership Title a whooping 13 times, as much as Arsenal have in total. Wow!

Malcolm O. Ifi.

LEST WE FORGET WHAT IS RELEVANT

Hon. Dino Melaye

On Monday 15th of April 2013, the social media and news was awash with reports about an assassination attempt on the life of former federal lawmaker and Executive Secretary of the Anti-Corruption Network, Hon. Dino Melaye. According to him, he was coming from the National Hospital, Central Area, Abuja at about 9:30pm when the assailants who were in a Volkswagen golf car, overtook his car near the NNPCT towers, parked ahead of him and started shooting sporadically.

Dino Melaye's car

Two bullets hit his car but he managed to escape unharmed to a Police check point nearby for safety and also to report the incident with the wind screen of his Bentley badly cracked. However, a cracked wind screen was not enough to make the Policemen at the check point spring to action as the scene of the alleged assassination attempt was not their "beat".

In a swift response totally uncharacteristic of the Nigerian Police Force - barely 24 hours after, the Abuja Police Commissioner, Olufemi Ogunbayo released a statement refuting Hon. Melaye's claims of an assassination attempt. He stated that the lawmaker said he was on his way home from the National Hospital, Abuja in his air-conditioned car, all windows wound up listening to cool music when he noticed a Range Rover Sport Golf car drive past his (Emphasis mine).

He added that when the police went to the scene to investigate the incident, they didn't find any parked car or shell casings; neither did the questioning of residents reveal anything to support Hon. Melaye's claims.
He went further to construct what he understood to be an assassination attempt. In his words;

"If they had wanted to kill Dino, they do not need to drive and park meters away from Dino's car before shooting, they would have just blocked his car and shoot him at the spot, so that cannot be called an attempted assassination. And how then is it possible for you to be in your car wind up enjoying the air condition and a very cool music and then you hear a gunshot?"

So from the foregoing, they didn't really want to kill him. They probably were just playing with him...or trying to frighten him.

While I concede that there are still some unanswered questions - like how two bullets failed to penetrate a wind screen that is not bullet-proof (there are conflicting reports as to whether the car is bullet-proof or not), one cannot help but notice the spite and disdain in the report of Mr. Ogunbayo and many Nigerians as well.
I am not a fan of Dino Melaye but I agree that he has been the most visible activist in recent times, tirelessly hounding the government for its unfriendly policies. Is it so far-fetched to think that an attempt can actually be made on his life? I think not.

I find it highly pretentious for anyone who was not in the Bentley with Mr. Melaye when the alleged assassination attempt occurred to brand him as an attention seeker. Nigeria is an unsafe place as we all know. The sanctity of human life means nothing to those who have sworn to protect it and gradually, that i-don't-care-as-long-as-it-isn't-me-attitude is gradually becoming the norm.

Why did the Police men at the check point Mr. Dino Melaye escaped to refuse to act in a timely fashion rather than claim it wasn't "their beat"? It raises serious questions as to the ability of the NPF to handle a competent investigation. Mr. Ogunbayo claimed a forensic investigation was carried out; this strikes me as odd when no attempt was made to contain the scene of the alleged incident in a timely fashion. Any investigator worth his salt knows that a contaminated scene is useless.

I found it quite sad how many Nigerians lost sight of the original issue and began to cast aspersions on the character of Mr. Melaye because he drove a Bentley. Not many people really cared about whether the attempt on his life was real or not. What became center stage was how he could afford to own a Bentley. I don't care what Dino Melaye does for a living but knowing how vindictive the PDP-led FG can be, he would have been hauled off to court on numerous charges if there was evidence of any malfeasance against him. Take a chill pill people and focus on the real issues.

The attitude of NPF is the real reason we will never know if the assassination attempt was real or imagined. Little wonder why after many years and many political assassinations, we still have no idea of who the perpetrators are. No explanation was proffered as to how the cracked glass on Mr. Dino's Bentley came about. Instead, the Abuja commissioner of police came to regale Nigerians with tales of how an assassination, not an assassination attempt is carried-out in his opinion. He obviously haven't heard about drive-bys.

I'm not even going to talk about the part of how a gun shot is inaudible because a person wound up "enjoying the air condition and a very cool music" because it is as ridiculous as it sounds. Neither am I going to talk about the new brand of vehicle called "Range Rover Sport Golf"; probably assembled in Ogunbayo's garage.

These "Ogas at the top" are not so bright, are they?

Malcolm O. Ifi.

I am on twitter @saymalcolm

THE INACTION THAT IS KILLING US!

Nature knows no pause in progress and development, and attaches her curse on all inaction.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

The Occupy Nigeria Protests was one of the rarest moments in Nigeria's history since her transition from military autocracy to a democracy. In over a decade of civilian rule characterized by a steady decline in our international image, severe infrastructural decay, political rascality, mindless looting of Nigera's common wealth by the political class, the emergence of an untouchable cabal, escalating crime and violence and the never-ending increase in the rate of unemployment and dismal standard of living; the masses arose against the oppressive policy of the PDP-led government.

For once, there was real fear in the heart of the government as they saw what could have easily turned into a peaceful revolution. Thus, they deployed the military to quell the rebellion while engaging in shameless subversion that finally watered down the demands of the aggrieved masses.

A year after the hullabaloo died down, the status quo remains. The promises made to effect positive changes to minimize the economic hardship its unsound policies have meted out to the populace have all but fizzled out. A year has gone by, yet there has not been a single conviction of the people who we have been led to believe are the illegal beneficiaries of our commonwealth. In fact, I dare say things have gotten progressively worse; the most recent being the unbelievable decision of the president to grant amnesty to Boko Haram; a terrorist group that is solely responsible for the deaths of over 3,000 innocent Nigeria and the wanton destruction of properties amounting to millions of Naira.

I am still yet to understand how this decision will change the anarchy the Northern part of Nigeria has become. Only a fool does the same thing every time and expects a different result. The shaky truce that kept the Niger Delta militants at bay since the amnesty organized by the late President Yar'Adua has finally given way with the killing of several policemen a few days ago in Bayelsa State of which MEND claimed responsibility after several threats to resume hostilities.

While I will never subscribe to engaging in violence to make a point except in extreme cases, it was apparent that the Niger Delta, being the primary source of Nigera's income suffered extreme neglect while oil exploration activities ravaged her habitat effectively killing off the means of livelihood of a large number of her residents. From that stand point, I couldn't fault the amnesty program on the ground that the militants had a "legitimate" cause for agitation. Sadly, the amnesty program has become another medium to siphon public funds. The Niger Delta is not much better off for the amnesty. The only beneficiaries seem to be the militant warlords and a few others. The root cause of the militancy is yet to be addressed.

With Boko Haram, it is an entirely different matter. Here is a terrorist group whose known agenda is to islamise Northern Nigeria; a mission that goes against the spirit of the Constitution. Aside from their independently fragmented structure which makes room for dialogue impossible, they seem to be only interested in causing carnage; they want to see Nigeria burn. How anyone can consider amnesty for this bloodthirsty bunch beggars belief. It is akin to America granting amnesty to Al Quaeda; an impossibility in today's world as we know it.

More troubling is the rippling effects that this singular thoughtless decision portends. In a nation where unemployment is at its peak, there has been no serious attempt to ameliorate it. What is to stop the emergence of more militant and terrorist groups as this is now the "legitimate" way to get the attention of the government?

I have no doubt that this PDP-led government seems determined to run Nigeria aground. However, we deserve an equal share in the blame. Yes! We all do. We, who stood by and watched elections get rigged; we, who refused to hold our legislative representatives accountable; we, who have stood by as Boko Haram has continued their wreck havoc on our fellow citizens and escalate the deep seated mistrust that lies as a result of our diversity. We seem to have forgotten the tenets of democracy; that it is a representative government. Even though, our laws are elitist, these "leaders" are answerable to us.

I am greatly saddened that the spirit that possessed Nigerians in January 2012 has dissipated. I am gripped with murderous rage each time I discuss with some PDP apologists who tell me elections are not won by noise-making on the social media but by bags of rice. As bitter as the pill may be, it is the truth. A clear evidence is the just concluded Council Elections in Abuja where PDP enjoyed a massive landslide winning five out of the six Councils.

I had thought that the Occupy Nigeria Protests had created a vibrant political awareness in us all. If there ever was a better way to send a message to this administration, it should have been a massive and total rejection of PDP in Abuja in the just concluded elections. Alas, we have all slithered back into our uncomfortable holes to suffer in silence and watch in dismay as mediocrity takes the center stage in Nigeria.

Fellow Nigerians, we are all we have. Its time to stop praying to God to deliver us from this mess. Our inactions put us where we are. Our inactions emboldened the men who lead us to treat us like slaves in our country. We must start over and get off our lazy arses and do something! The first step begins with the wait for 2015. A large percentage of us who yap about the misdeeds of this PDP-led government are not registered voters. Leave the social media and go out and register when the time comes and stand guard to protect your votes! Change will forever be a mirage if we sit and pray only as faith without works is nothing. The words of John Fitzgerald Kennedy are instructive;

"There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction."

I am @saymalcolm on twitter.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: WHY SO ANGRY?!

I had gone to hang out with a couple of friends on saturday. The weather was unbearably hot all day and as PHCN were in their usual "form", I decided to go out. As I left the little bar where we had hung out, I found out that the weather had simmered down somewhat. It appeared that as the dark cloth of the night changed the light of day, so did the cool breeze of the evening replace the humidity of the day.

I took a bus and was fortunate to get the front seat by the window. Between the driver and me was an overweight elderly woman. I mumbled greetings to her as the bus moved. Nothing prepared me for the severe verbal exchange that came next as I settled down to enjoy the ride with the cool wind on my face. It started with the conductor.

We had been moving for some time when the conductor asked for the fare. I had just paid mine and when the elderly woman paid hers, the conductor complained.

"Madam, your money remain twenty naira oh!" He growled.

"Nor be sixty naira I give you?" She asked.

"Na eighty naira be your money!" He insisted. "I first tell you before."

"Abeg na. Na thirty naira I dey pay since. I tell you say na thirty naira I go pay."

The driver who had been silent the whole time suddenly spoke up with such rage that shocked me.

"Which kain nonsense be this na? Madam pay your money abeg! Make una nor make me vex this evening." He said this such a belligerent tone that I wondered if this wasn't some form of transferred aggression.

"Which one be your own sef? Na sixty naira I pay for me and my daughter yesterday. Because of small hold up when dey, una go just increase price anyhow." The woman responded angrily.

The driver stopped the car in the middle of the road, and jumped out causing a little traffic. He strode angrily to the conductors side and began to shout at him.

"Wetin dey worry you? Why you nor go tell people correct money before they enter? You think say na play I come play for here? No dey use my work dey play!" He shouted angrily.

"I tell the madam the correct money. Na she wan change am now." The conductor replied timidly. The driver strode back and entered the car.

"Madam, pay your money abeg. I nor dey all this one when you dey talk so." He said angrily.

I hate loud arguments. I hate them even more when they are about something so petty. I would have easily asked everyone to just maintain peace so that I pay the balance of twenty naira but I had to be cautious lest I become the enemy. I was about to ask if this hullabaloo was really all about twenty naira when the woman responded with equal anger.

"Na ordinary twenty naira na e dey make you shout like this?!"

"If the twenty naira ordinary, why you dey follow me drag am? Them don tell you how much you go pay when you wan change am. Now you dey ask me say na ordinary twenty naira." He retorted.

"You nor even dey shame sef." She said.

At this point, I knew this war of words was not going to end so I kept mute. Thankfully, I was close to my bus stop. My only prayer was for me to get there in one piece. The driver's angry voice increased in decibels.

"You dey ask me whether I nor dey shame abi? Make I tell you something; I nor be thief, I nor be yahoo boy, I nor be kidnapper, I nor be militant. Na my work be this. I no dey shame for my work. Na you suppose dey ashamed of yourself. Nor be your mate get their own motor?"

The woman was so shocked that she remained silent, staring at the driver incredulously. In fact, I silently prayed that she wouldn't lift her hand to slap the driver as they sat next to each other. The daughter of the woman who sat behind and had been silent all through out the exchange jumped in. She had finally been provoked.

"No insult my mama oh! Driver na work?"

"Na the ashawo when you dey do be work?" The driver retorted.

I held my head in agony knowing this wasn't going to end. A man who sat behind decided to join in.

"Wetin dey worry you sef driver? Na twenty naira dey make you insult elderly woman?"

"Sharrap there, woman wrapper! Who ask you? Na only you dey this bus? Everybody dey mind their business but you must put mouth. Why you nor pay the money make everybody rest?" The driver responded, not ready in the least the back down.

"You're just a fool!" I heard the man say, quite shocked at the driver's response.

"Nor be say you go use the money do better thing sef. Na ogogoro e go use am buy after e work finish!" The daughter said before a long hiss.

"All of una dey crase! Na on top my money una dey talk put. Me dey hustle my own, una wan change am for me. Na God go punish una! If na ogogoro I use my money buy, wetin concern una?" The driver ranted angrily.

"Stop this bus!" The elderly woman screamed suddenly after she seemed to have found her voice. "I wan come down!"

"Pay your money oh!" The driver said as he parked the bus properly this time. He jumped out prepared to do whatever to ensure his twenty naira got paid.

"Wetin be twenty naira when this idiot go dey insult me for?" She said angrily looking at me and probably hoping for some response from me but I had no intention of obliging her. I had already come down and was waiting for her to alight from the bus, hopeful that there would be some peace afterwards. She tossed a twenty naira note at him and stormed off with her daughter. Her voice faded as she continued to rain insults at the driver as the bus sped off.

Sadly, peace remained elusive. The man behind continued from where the woman and her daughter had left off. It was a relief to see the marker that indicated my bus stop was close. I quickly alighted without uttering a single word. I uttered a silent prayer of thanks to God for my safe arrival.

I had to wonder how people could get so worked up over something that could easily have been avoided. I know the economic climate is terrible but I find it hard to believe twenty naira is that important. It may be but I felt it was more of the predominant and deep-seated distrust that lay in the mind of most Nigerians towards each other. The trade of insults just showed how mad, angry and frustrated most Nigerians are. Why would anybody engage in such verbal battle over something so trivial if there wasn't some latent form of dissatisfaction and pent-up rage?

I really hope that things indeed get better in Nigeria. Our moral and psychological psyche is badly damaged from years of abuse and not seeing things work. Everybody is too damn angry!

Malcolm O. Ifi.

DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, I TOO AM A MILITANT/TERRORIST

To His Excellency,
The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Dear Mr. President,

I have been following the events of your administration so closely and I have come to the realisation that no other president in the world can top the magnanimity of your benevolence. You indeed do care. It is a pity that Nigeria is the mess she is today but its not your fault; you met her like that. Though you have tried your best to provide us with the "breath of fresh air" you promised, it is such a tragedy that some disgruntled elements have taken it upon themselves to ensure that we all die of asphyxia.

Even though it has been argued that your administration is probably the most corrupt that we have ever seen, it is not your fault; you are a good man. You are not responsible for the actions of those greedy public servants or that cabal that seems to have more power than your legitimate government, and have carted away our billions of naira. Those men are greedy and wicked, not you. You are an epitome of humility, loyalty and benevolence.

I appreciate the difficult position you are in. Many things can be said about you but your loyalty to those who played pivotal roles to your ascension is unquestionable. You have become a beacon of loyalty worthy of emulation as you have single-handedly championed the saying that one should never bite the finger that fed him. You have taken it up a notch by elevating the standard of he who once fed you. I applaud the pardon of your good old friend who thrust you into the political lime light. You have fared better than he has by all standards as you are now the president of the most populous black nation on earth. The true measure of a man is in how he treats his less fortunate friends when fortune smiles upon him. You have showed the world by this that you indeed have a large heart.

I appreciate your most sincere efforts at revamping the power industry. I was deeply saddened by that embarrassing episode on CNN where Christiane Amanpour tried to belittle your efforts at combating terrorism and improving power supply. Don't mind her, kind sir. We who live in Nigeria know better. Even though we know that billions have been sunk into this power project with little improvement, it is not your fault. Governments before you did the same without results. Why must yours be any different? As you said, the improvement cannot come overnight. It must be those greedy people in charge of dishing out contracts. They are greedy and wicked people.

I am particularly moved by the way your administration has handled militancy in the Niger Delta region. Only fools cannot see the ingenuity of your blueprint that has been so effective thus far. You have loaded those ex-militant warlords with the most sumptuous and lucrative contracts that they have gradually fizzled out into oblivion. A man with a full stomach has no will to fight, not to talk of going to the creeks when he can live in a mansion inside the serene atmosphere that our capital city provides. Whoever nicknamed you "clueless" has to think again because this move of yours is nothing short of brilliant.

There has been so much ruckus about your ambitions for 2015. I admire the way you have handled the furor with such dexterity. You have maintained a golden silence while others have been jumping up and down like monkeys over-heating the polity. Why does everyone keep insisting that you must not run for president in 2015? It is your constitutional right to do so. Even if there was a gentleman's agreement to that effect, does it hold more water than your constitutionally guaranteed right? Thank God the judiciary has put the matter to rest.

I am greatly saddened by the carnage and orgy of violence caused in the north by "your brothers". Too much blood has been spilled in the last four years and I am happy that you swung into action by deploying the JTF. You were very optimistic that they would yield results; so positive that you catergorically said the insurgency would end in June last year. Unfortunately, the JTF bunch are nothing but fools and idiots. They lack your uncommon finesse. All they know is fire-for-fire and this mentality has made things escalate from bad to worse. Innocents citizens resident in the North are crying out from the oppression meted out to them by these people. Nowadays, I wonder who the real terrorists are. Not to worry; a pardon may be in order in the near future.

If there is anyone capable of resolving this issue, it is you, kind sir. After all, they are your brothers and they are ubiquitous in your cabinet. I received the news with glee that you have decided to extend your magnanimity to these terrorists. All they have to do is show their faces for the amnesty to be theirs with a generous flow of lucrative contracts to get them fat so that they forget how to make IEDs. Let's forget about that disgruntled general who has been attacking you for the manner in which you have handled the insurgency because he lost several elections. In fact, be proactive and arrest him! I'm sure Uncle Doyin can produce sufficient evidence that can be used to charge him to court.

Mr President, the main issue in my letter is a confession that I have been holding back for too long. I am choking from all the smoke that has been rising from the fumes of exploded bombs. My wallet is depleted from the fact that I spend too much money everyday to fuel my generator in this unbearable heat. My head is exploding from all the money I hear people carting away from our national treasury. I need that fresh air so I must cry out.

Mr President, my name is Malcolm O. Ifi and I am a militant and a terrorist! Unlike your brothers, I have never hid my face. My rough face has been there for anyone who have ever cared to see. My stash of weapons are words and I shall lay them down in exchange for your brand of amnesty.

Yours sincerely.

A choked citizen.

I am on twitter @saymalcolm

THE EGOMANIAC

The ego is the false self, born out of fear and defensiveness."
― John O'Donohue

It is easy to confuse ego with self-esteem though a thoughtless and superlative self-esteem amounts to egotism. It is good to have self-esteem; a knowledge about yourself, a firm belief in your personal abilities. However, a thin line separates self-esteem from egotism. Self-esteem is considerate, egotism is not.
Egotism is simply conceit, self-importance. It manifests itself in many forms but in my opinion, the worst kind is the kind that manifests itself as a result of partial or total lack of self-esteem. Different people have different notions of importance and how to achieve it. The egomaniac thinks that the only way to arrive at the status of importance is to ride on those they consider to be beneath them. This is pathetic to say the least.

The misfortune of an over-bloated ego is unquantifiable. It is the reason Sigmund Freud said of egomaniacs, "This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever." An egomaniac is someone who can never be helped even though their demeanor screams for it. They are too proud to realise and admit they need it. Psychoanalysis will probably tell you that an egomaniac had a childhood experience that greatly dented his self-esteem. The most likely response is to develop a fastidious personality with an emotion blocked by a wall meters thick with concrete. They could be successful, powerful and famous but there is always an underlying insecurity that eats them up like cancer.

The worst friend a person can have is an egomaniac. The egomaniac strikes the pose of an over-dominant alpha male. They will belittle you, mock you and generally assert an air of superiority that is most intimidating. The best response depending on the intimidated is to fight or flee. Fleeing such company is not cowardice; it is the determination that such a relationship is inimical to the development of your self worth.

According to Deepak Chopra, "the ego relies on the familiar. It is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is to ignore the very essence of life." Egomaniacs mask their ignorance with rare confidence that fools the ignorant. They possess a sparse knowledge due to their inability to open their minds to the unfamiliar. Most times, they can be spotted a mile off - the loud, bawling voice in an argument that seeks to drown the opinions of others despite a total absence of logic. No one ever learned anything new without deference to superior logic or some unfounded love at hearing one's voice. Never hang on the word of an egomaniac...or anybody else for that matter. Ignite your passion for discovery and find out who you are.

In the equation of love, an ego is the explosive ingredient. Egomaniacs are incapable of love. This is because they are overwhelmed with a sense of self, a personality trait which invariably leads to narcissism. This self-love which springs from a hidden self-loathing is mostly invulnerable to emotions of love. A person stuck in a relationship with a egomaniac is involved in the most parasitic of relationships. The fulcrum of a relationship based on love is selflessness; an emotion an egomaniac is incapable of. Such a relationship becomes competitive at best or oppressive at worst.

Finally, the worst kind of egomaniacs make the worst enemies. An undaunted character who seeks to show the egomaniac the error of his/her ways is endangered. An ego is like a balloon filled with hot air. When it is pumped and airtight, it soars but a single prick is all that is needed to burst or deflate it. An injured egomaniac will fight back like a wounded tiger having lost all that ever really counted and there's no telling how far he'll go.

Have you got a friend or a lover like that? Its best to flee lest you expose yourself the worst feeling of subjugation that is bound to blind you to your true sense of worth.

Take heed.

Malcolm O. Ifi.

I can be engaged on twitter @saymalcolm