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| Wouldn't it have been nice if Adam had an iPad? Would have saved us all a lot of trouble. |
Perhaps the most mysterious being on the face of the earth today is the woman. Complexity meets curvaciousness, deadly meets combustible – you are well advised not to cross a woman.
She may be the weaker sex (not to worry, a man wrote that), but she's the stronger species and they've been dominating this planet since that bloke, Adam took that apple. What was he doing?! Apparently he thought it was just an apple and was probably thinking of apple pie until his story became apple crumble. When you do think about it, that was the beginning of men taking sweet instructions from women and they've been instructing us ever since.
I have tried to deconstruct the woman's psyche but honestly I'm not making much progress. I can't understand women (Show me a man who can!) Imagine the fact that an incomprehensible species has been dominating our world for thousands of years (it's a male world isn't it?) and we are no closer to unraveling her despite all our advances in science. For heavens sake we deconstructed the molecule, split the atom and cloned a sheep and, we can't figure out women?!
Never argue with a woman. You can't win; and you should stop wasting your time and take a cue from your father. And if a woman hits your car while you are driving or stationary you are guilty, trust me. Many years ago, this woman comes out of the side road, crosses two lanes on the expressway and hit this guy on the third lane far removed; and she accuses him - wait for this - she accuses him of not anticipating her desire to access the expressway from a side road! And you better respect a woman's right to her fundamental right 'woman' right of being the winner though guilty.
The management committee of a company I know is made up of four, with a single male. In a company strong on diversity even that is a disproportionate number. Can you imagine it the other way round? I fear that one day this company would be an all woman team. May God help their competitors. These women are so fearless and hard charging that life sessions was introduced at the company to make them matrimonially pliable.
The world would never be interesting without women. Think of how many businesses will collapse. Gossip magazines definitely won't survive. The size of the gossip economy is about the size of the annual budget of the richest African nation blessed with oil. What is there to write about without the salacious details of a man's entanglement with the beauty queen of the moment? Even Hollywood will collapse!
History will never be complete without women. Can you imagine how many thrones have been overthrown by women? King Edward VIII absconded from the English throne because he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson, a divorcee. Sacrilege! Why do you think the world fatality is closely associated with women – 'femme fatale'? And can you honestly imagine a world without beauty queens? Who's interested in male fashion? Even women's tennis is becoming more popular than men's tennis. And now there's women's soccer. Come on, that's the last exclusive preserve or men and now they're taking it over.
Men really are suckers. It's the same formula used on us over and over again and we keep falling for it. Do you honestly believe we marry women? Come on you know they marry us. And then you get on your knees to propose?! You get on your knees! Don't you know what that means? You turn into abject vassals of the ignominy of correspondence affection. And guess who says 'I do' last in a wedding ceremony?
We ought to rewrite church liturgy on the conjugal union. And one more thing while we are still on this topic of marriage and besotted hearts: when a woman wants you, may God help you. And how about the topic of sexual harassment? Can a woman sexually harass a man? Imagine pleading that in court as a man. Ha ha ha! Can a woman rape a man? That's an interesting topic for law professors. What do you think?
Caveat:
NOT FOR FEMININE EYES.
Photo Credits: The internet
The writer is on twitter
Lmao! So so True! Esp "You turn into abject vassals of the ignominy of correspondence affection." Beautiful piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The writer will hear. ;)
ReplyDeleteIf this guy says it is a woman's world,he prolly hasn't heard of affirmative action. Women essentially beg to be made part of decision n policy making process under this umbrella. Therefore...how do they qualify as 'rulers' of this world. Albeit for the man who can't control his... But classy n simple gehls dey confuse me sha:(
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! I think the writers point is women control the some of the men that rule the world, hence the statement. Either way, you don admit say classy and simple girls dey confuse you. Q.E.D. ;)
ReplyDeleteholla peeps thanks for your time, about who rules the world ask the men who claim to have em all in check. Mr Bill stands a man. *wink
ReplyDeleteTrue talk o, na try men dey try o......has anybody noticed dat before making any major decision we guys still has to consult women????? Even if na u get d idea sef, dis is a topic we all can't exhaust o!!!!! Q.E.D
ReplyDeleteI just could not help but laugh hard... I've been embroiled in this kind of argument before and if one is not careful, he risks being branded a sexist! First off, if Eve had not misled Adam, the scriptures would not be fulfilled. The fact that God had foreseen it happen, yet did nothing about it remains a mystery just like creation itself, God's being, the way the human mind works and maybe, a few other life's mysteries! Secondly, how some women metamorphosed into elements of wickedness is yet to be understood because they were created to be helpers to men, assistants... They were by their subtlety made to inject sanity, kindness, good conscience and sound judgments into a man! If d reverse is d case, that does not by any means define strength to me... In marriage, the Holy Book says that a woman must be in PERPETUAL subordination to a man and of course, a man has the corresponding duty to show her love which entails sharing in every capacity. That alone is enough superiority but I sincerely do not think this piece intends to call for such debate. So if a wedding card today reads, 'Vivian weds Jude' or Jude kneels down to propose to Vivian, it goes without saying that initially, Vivian would trade all those just to be Jude's candidate because whom to marry is Jude's prerogative, not Vivian's. In our society, women are excluded from a lot of activities and rituals, hence their vicious campaign for equitable representation. That is why female leaders in the world past and present, put together are far from being a handful. That said, they should nonetheless be given a chance in the scheme of things. I hope I have not sounded 'macho' but realistic. Nice piece though, quite comical.
ReplyDeleteNice@isaacetez-brilliant piece!
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