RELATIONSHIPS AND THIRD PARTIES

Hey guys,

Miss me? :)

I'm sorry I've not been able to blog in while. So much has been going on in my life recently that its been tough to keep up. Anyways, I'm here now and that's all that counts really. I have been inundated with questions from my dear readers as to why I haven't continued with the Mickey Jay Memoirs on my other blog at www.saymalcolm.wordpress.com. You know Mickey Jay, don't you? In the event that you don't, then i suggest you visit the above mentioned wordpress site and familiarize yourselves with the exciting sexcapades of Mickey Jay.

Anyway, I've been working on several other projects that will see the light of day soon by God's grace. The Mickey Jay Memoirs will continue soon so please, don't give up on me. I need you all to keep my talent alive. Oh, by the way...i must mention with a certain amount of modest pride that I never knew the Mickey Jay Memoirs had developed such a large following and in recent times, I've been opportuned to meet with some of my readers and I must say that I feel blessed to be connected with all of you. Thanks for the mails, the calls, twitter dms and above all, your words of encouragement. I believe the best is yet to come.

Now that we've cleared that aside, we shall progress with the topic of the day. I was stuck in a very awkward situation quite recently and I thought it would be nice to talk about it. I attended a little get-together which consisted mostly of both married and unmarried couples and a healthy sprinkle of single guys and ladies. In such gatherings, there is the tendency to get intimidated if you are single or your better half is absent with so much open display of affection and love in the air. In such situations, I enjoy observing how various partners show love and affection for each other.

Sadly, there was a particular couple that caught my attention the most. They seemed to be totally immune from the love vibes that surrounded the atmosphere. They kept staring at each other with anger written all over their faces but somehow, I could tell they were crazy about each other. They made several private trips out of the joyous setting and each time they returned, they seemed madder than ever.

I noticed all this with interest so I approached the young man and asked him what the problem was between him and his woman. It turned out to be my greatest mistake of the evening. Before he could respond, madam materialized from nowhere and insisted that she be part of the conversation. When I saw what it was coming to, I tried to withdraw as politely as I could but it was too late. I had unwittingly become the umpire they had been seeking since their argument began.

Well, I'm never one to shy away from offering my services to promote world peace being a trained alternative dispute resolution expert. We moved to a quieter place and when the complaints began, I felt awkward...really awkward because these were issues that I felt should remain within the all sacred realm of privacy (...and no, I'm not going to tell you what the bickering was about! *tongue out*).

To cut the story short, I vehemently refused to take sides which was what they wanted me to do. I plainly told them with this sort of disagreement, they had no business being at the get-together or anywhere else for that matter but their bedrooms until they resolved their issues.

I'm no relationship expert but experience has taught me that you don't wash dirty linens in the full glare of the public or involve third parties for that matter. Being in a relationship or marriage should involve a certain level of maturity that begets commitment as its a very sensitive affair and should be treated as such. Call me crazy or traditional but I'ven ever believed in marriage counseling or therapy - those stuff we see in Hollywood movies. I'm not saying counseling or therapy doesn't work but I feel a person who is deeply committed to his/her partner WON'T rush out to seek counseling from someone who has no idea where you're both from or what you've both have been through to get to where you both are when you can do it yourself.

My opinion is simple; if you're a serious person in a serious relationship, one thing must always be at the back of your mind: no matter what, I'm in this for the long haul. Both parties must work it out except the interest in the relationship has dwindled and the will to rejuvenate it is no longer there, in which case, counseling and therapy is an exercise in futility.

To be in lasting relationship, each party must agree first of all to go all in. Leave no room for doubts or options. With that mindset, when problems arise, you realise you have no choice but to work it out. A very good way to achieve this is to ensure that both parties never to go sleep at night bearing grudges or attend social functions together when there's a stiffness about a previous argument. Always clear the air.

Secondly, communication channels must always be left open no matter how angry you get or no matter how ferocious the argument is. There should be no limit to what you both talk about. Majority of the problems faced in relationships come from lack of or poor communication skills. If you can't communicate with the person you say you love, then you shouldn't be in there in the first place.

Thirdly, its about two of you and just the TWO OF YOU. There should be no room for third parties. No one knows what you guys are all about better than you two. The moment you understand that, there's no problem that you come across relationship-wise you can't handle.

Fourth and final, compromise. Nobody is perfect; you're not, she's not and vice versa. You're both different so you must learn to accommodate each others differences. If what you have is real, arguments and pig-headed opinions are miniscule compared to what you both share. You don't get awards for scoring points against your partner. Both parties must know when to back down or agree to terms that will end in a win-win situation.

Oh...the fourth isn't really the final thing to know. As time unfolds, there'll be more. Have a lovely weekend.
:)

Malcolm O. Ifi.