USE YOUR GENERATOR NEXT TIME

After a long hard day yesterday, nothing could have prepared me for the drama of last night. It wasn't something so terrible as you might fear. It was actually amusing.

Picture this: You are at home on one of those rare evenings when power is on so there is a total absence of the racket that comes with the sound of generators; especially when you live in a large compound of about four flats of which you are one of the occupants and believe me, every occupant owns one of those big noisy generators. Just imagine the ruckus when they are all in use.

Let me deviate a little; I grew up in a university campus when things were a lot better than it is now. From the early 90's when I moved there up to the early 2000's, the campus was so well run. We had constant power supply, security, water and other trappings that come with what is expected of an academic environment. It was quiet and sane because we could count the number of people who had power generating sets. At a time, the school purchased a power plant that could power the whole school so no one really needed a personal generator.

However, as things deteriorated as they are often want to do since we lack a culture of maintenance, there was an overnight change. We could suddenly count those who did NOT own a generating set. The bottom line is, I was so used to that peace and quiet, that tranquility that comes with an academic environment so adjusting to the "outside world" was a bit problematic but I did it.

Where was I...? Oh yes! So I was having a rare moment of tranquil last night and was doing my night reading before sleep comes when power went off. The silence that accompanied was deafening. This was at about a few minutes past eleven pm. I decided that my neighbours had all gone to sleep because after about five minutes, I didn't hear the rumble of a generator in the compound. The weather was cool so I sighed in contentment. It was going to be a silent night. How wrong I was.

See Matter O!

I first heard sounds...funny sounds. I jumped up and checked around my house. Not here, I thought relieved. I settled down to attempt to sleep and this time, there was no mistaking it. Sounds of love making...at first, then sounds of rough, hard core sex! It was like listening to just the audio of an adult movie. The violent bed rocking against the wall, the rhythmic clap of body against body, the unhinged howl of pleasure and pain, the sexually explicit encouragement from the girl's lips...It was loud...too loud for the silent night!

One of my neighbours pinged me on my blackberry.

Neighbour: "U dey sleep?!"

Me: "How I wan take sleep with this kain noise?! I'm not sure they know how quiet it is outside."

Neighbour: "They know. They just don't care! See my kid is awake now."

I decided to go outside and as I stepped out, the volume of sex amplified. Choi! See audio mojo!! My neighbour was so angry because his four year old daughter was awake and you know kids of nowadays, very impressionable. He wanted to bang on Sex Lord's door but I stopped him. What is the use? Na you dey pay him rent? Put earphones over your daughter's ears. It will be over soon. Soon was about forty five minutes later when they both screamed like banshees, piercing further the silent night!

In civilized climes, my neighbour with the four year old daughter would have called the cops and they would have intervened in this...domestic nuisance by probably issuing out a warning of some sort or something. But in my country Nigeria, don't even think about calling the cops. The matter fit just get "K" leg from there.

Anyway, one thing is certain. The girl is going to be a regular visitor because my other "good ol' neighbour" put up a good show! I'll just have to advise him to at least, use that monster generator of his whenever she's around. It will help everybody.

Malcolm O. Ifi.  

Photo Credit: The Internet